Projects, Plans and God

It is hard to believe but we are going into 2 years away from regular ministry.  Sure I’m doing the childrents ministry coordinator thing, and while it is ministry my heart is not in it.  I love the kids and the people but it’s not who I am. 

I have been praying for a while now about what to do, and where to go.  We are looking at a change coming soon and so I want to know what that change will be, enter an old friend.

They want to mother a church in a college town in WV.  J and I have both said that I will not be a staff pastor any more.  It’s time to move on in some way and I have great ideas and ways of reaching a generation for Christ.  The real problem is the fear factor in all of it. 

I want to be open and I believe that God brings people and places into our lives in such a way that we can and will be able to see clearly what he wants.  I don’t for a minute believe anything happens by chance.  When this friend of mine and I connected again I had no idea what could be coming.  Now I wonder if it’s time to try something totally different, totally new.  I want to be in Gods will and I want to step but I am afraid. 

The past is a specter that looms large.  God has changed me a lot and I am a different person, at the same time will others see that.  I believe I can do this and succeed at it, the question remains will people from before believe I can or will they say it will never work, and does it really matter?

What a bummer

I really hate it when my plans get changed, or are messed up.  This weekend was one of those times.  First the snow.  We went to Western MD for a family Christmas party.  I was supposed to leave after the party so that I could be back for work on Sunday.  Saturday morning dawned with snow, now that’s normally an okay thing especially when it is only supposed to be two inches of snow.  Yes well seven to eight inches of snow later and loads of ice on the roads it became apparent that not only would the party we went for have to be canceled or moved but I would not be able to leave to get home for work.  I needed to be there we HAVE to practice. 

It continued to get worse as we went on to have the dinner and it was a bit of a bust. 

The only redeeming factor was playing rock band Saturday night.

Anyway I am hoping that Christmas will be great we are really working on making sure things are not just fun but that they are memorable.

It is the curse of all mankind that the polar twins should be constantly struggling.

 

Several years ago J and I were able to go and see Jekyl and Hyde with the original cast.  It was great.  The title for this blog comes from there.  I love the story of Hyde.  A man who realizes the good and the bad that resides in all of us and takes steps to exorcise the evil from mankind.

Ultimately he fails because he relies too much on himself and his ingenuity.  Gee does that sound familiar.  This is the problem with most of us, me included.  Dr Jekyll fails, but at least he tried.  He left out a few important things.  He left out God, he left out a support system, he left out the woman that he loved.  He tried so hard and that trying was admirable but he failed. 

I do the same thing,  I think most do, especially when we are people who have been in some form of religious leadership.  We get it in our heads that the message that we preach is for others but we don’t get the same dispensation.  I am amazed at how this works.  We feel like we have to give and give and give and getting or accepting our faults and help is not something anyone wants us to do. I am making a concerted effort to accept mine, to accept help to offer help all those things.  Sometimes I fail still, but I am better for realizing that people don’t want unreachable saints that they have to try and be like,  they want touchable reachable, dare I say struggling leaders who recognize their own shortcomings and are willing to say “Hey I need help too.” 

I just wish I had realized this three years ago.  It’s amazing what it takes for some of us to learn.  Still if we learn it then apply it we may fall down but we can recognize the fall and ask for the help that we need.