I thought I would write a bit of history and an update on my folks.
My parents have always been rather independent. Now I know that sounds kinda strange to say, and many times the joke of being hard headed is made when we talk about people that are really just very independently minded. The problem is with my parents it isn’t a joke. Hard headed is the reality that they have lived in for a very long time.
Several years ago I began to witness a gradual decline in both of them. That decline began to become more pronounced when my father decided to retire. I will never forget the day that they told me. It was my day off in that former life that you can read about in other pages of the blog if you want, so that would make it a Thursday. We were out on the front porch and my mom pulls into the driveway with my dad in the passenger seat. Hmm that’s strange I thought. But then figured that it must be that dad had a doctors appointment or something. When they got out and climbed the stairs to the porch my dad announced that he had retired that morning. I said oh really and my mom with this horrified look on her face said yes, yes he did. He wrote his retirement letter last night and took it in today making it effective today. No notice to the employer no conversation with mom or anyone. He had this big grin, even told Zoey that the way you retire is just to go in and make it effective immediately. We of course corrected that one.
They were now with each other 24 7 and it started to take it’s toll. As I watched them going down hill we tried to help, and were told no. They didn’t need help. They were fine. This is when things really started to tank.
There was an accident that totaled their car, it was a miracle that she was not killed in that particular accident. Things really began to go downhill after that. We also started to have a bit more tension. I would usually find out things from everyone but them health wise.
Things continued to go south, and they continued to hide it, or think they were hiding it. Dad began having more seizures mom’s vertigo got worse and worse. She insisted on driving still and dad let her. She had another accident and at that point I was not going to take them to look at cars and told others to not do it either. There were fights about hospital stays. There were conversations with others, letting them know that I did not want them picked up from the hospital when my mother decided to check herself out. This too caused a lot of tension.
My mom and dad have always been the ones that have helped others, that’s been their way of living for a long time. When it became evident that they needed more and more help they doubled down on being fine. They were not eating properly. Everything came to a head last October when my dad had 5 seizures in a very short period of time. They tried to say no to the paramedics. As bad as it sounds when my dad had at least one and likely two seizures in front of the paramedics that was not an option anymore. The Paramedic also noticed that they were malnourished, so he pink slipped my mom in as well. From St’ E’s they went to Park Vista, which is where they are now.
Dad broke his hip, mom has fallen many times, something that was happening before she went in. It’s been hard to watch, harder to get them to accept help, which is one of the reasons I’m glad they are where they are. I know that they are at least having real food offered to them. That there is care for when one of them falls or is ill.
Which brings me to this week.
I got a call from Park Vista. The psychiatrist had been in to see both of them. My mom is not eating, has not been and doesn’t want too. They wanted to know about giving her an appetite inducer to make her want to eat more, I had to make that choice. My dad informed the doctor that he did not want to get up out of bed. He was going to stay there. He told Amberly that he wanted to go before my mom.
Last night we had a meeting with Hospice regarding my mom. This is when I found she was not just diagnosed with dementia but has Alzheimers. Something that I suspected but to see that word in writing just makes it more real. The decisions that we are having to make are heartbreaking, but at the same time it’s even more heartbreaking to watch my mom being so not herself, to watch my dad choosing to just not.
In some way’s I’ve already said goodbye to them both, because to be honest the people that are in Park Vista, especially my mom, are not themselves anymore, not by a long shot. LouEllen had been slipping way for years and has now become a shell of what she once was. All the filters gone, all the joy sucked out of life. My dad is still there sometimes, but also not there others. He’s about three or four months behind my mom.
I wanted to give people that wanted to know what was going on a bit more information than just pray for them and go see them if you can. I have purposefully kept things on Facebook somewhat vague, choosing to let people know they are in a sad state but also that they could use connection in some way. I’m giving a bit more detail because I know my parents have had an impact on many people, I know that they are loved and prayed for and missed. I want people that are interested to have a better understanding of what’s going on in the hopes that this will give you a bit more information for when you go into prayer and they are dropped into your heart, as well as if you are thinking of visiting. Some of you that have know what you will witness, those that have not perhaps this will prepare you for what you will experience.
Thank you for your prayers and concern. I know that they appreciate it even if they don’t realize what’s happening.
