Cause or Christ...

For the last couple of weeks, I've been wrestling with what I'm about to write, it's important to know that.   It matters because there are times when I just sit down and write what's on my mind without much filtering.  This one though is different and I think I know why.

I'm a pot stirrer, or at least I can be.  Sometimes, just for the sheer joy of it, I'll introduce a topic into conversation that I know will cause a heated discussion.  Religion, Politics and Sports are of course the easiest ways to get the ball rolling, and I find myself sitting in a group that I know has varying opinions and hitting that one spot and then feeding the flames. Childish, of course it is, but fun at times none the less.

I also love a good discussion and many times in my stirring the pot to start trouble I am also getting to know the people I'm with, building a deeper relationship, learning and growing in my understanding of who they are, why  they act and do some of what they do, and ultimately building on my ability to be a better minister to them in the long run. I know that may sound like justification, and perhaps it is a little bit but  it's also accurate.

In  a very elementary way Christians divide people into manageable categories. There are categories for people in the club and then categories for people out of the club.  In the club there are all these different denominations, each with it's own set of rules and regulations for getting to God.  Christians themselves usually fall  into two different camps.  Fundamental (conservative, traditional) or Progressive (social, liberal).  It is in these categories that Christians make the rules about how they interact with each other, each side looking down their noses at the other.  It is in these categories that causes are fought for, be it inclusion, tolerance (a word that I feel should be banned from any  and every church liberal or conservative) proper forms of worship, liturgy or lack there of, the social aspects of the Gospel, science and scripture, God's gender pronouns, first amendment rights, second amendment rights, Jesus political party, making America great again, realizing that America is pretty great...the list is endless.

The problem is our causes don't stop there, they bleed through to the other group of people that we categorize.  The WORLD, fundamentalists tend to want to keep the world out there, progressives are more apt to let the world in.  You can find exceptions on both sides but I'm talking in generalizations here.

Whenever the church, either side, interacts with the outside world we tend to do so in response to some cause, and many times even our outreach when tragedy strikes, has strings attached, though we are not so keen to admit it.

Recent causes the church has fought...

1. The Bathroom Wars


2. The Cake Wars


3. The Political Wars
   
   
   
   1. God is a right wing republican just look at the Old Testament
   
   
   2. God is a left wing liberal just  look at the New Testament
   
   
   
   


4. The Health Care wars


5. The Gun Control wars


6. The race wars (Black Lives Matter, All Lives Matter and to our shame a few idiots who set up a White lives matter protest)

I'm positive there are more, many more that  I'm leaving out, mainly because I'm tired.

Christians in general owe a huge apology to The WORLD...mainly because we are failing it.  Churches and Pastors and Christians are not called on to Make America Great again, it's not our job to safe guard freedom of religion, prayer  in schools, or my right to own a billion round semi automatic weapon designed to kill people.  It's not our job to convict a person of their sin, or decide who we let in to our churches because we like them and who we keep out because they make us uncomfortable.  It's not our job to interpret the constitution and laws of the land, to mandate that people in Christendom that don't see it our way get out of the dark ages and start seeing things our way...we have enough on our plate interpreting scripture and what it meant in the past and what it means today.

Our job is not to take up all of these different causes, but to live our lives in service to one cause...the cause  of Christ.



That sums it up, the problem is we confuse what the gospel is.  There is a huge difference between the Gospel and The rules as we see them.  We want people to start following our rules before they put their piece on the board.  To that end christians, grab bull horns and head out to college campuses and start yelling at people about how bad they are.  They stand next to political candidates and endorse them because they don't like the other side, they call down fire from heaven (or attempt to) on entire people groups.  They use "fear to keep the local systems in line," because it's easier to motivate from fear than it is to reach out and touch in love.  One allows me to keep my distance, the other demands interaction.  If I can take over the work of the Holy Spirit in a persons life, I can mold them into the type of person that I would want to interact with.  I can remove the things that bother me, and replace them with the things that are important and matter as I interpret them.

See while the cause of Christ isn't that hard to understand, the causes we fight for are easier to deal with, it's easier to make signs, to protest, to legislate, to hold town meetings discussing the issue, than it is to set aside time to pray for, build relationship with, and serve without the visible rewards.  When I stand up  for a cause and protest, everyone sees me, when I go to my private place and pray for people, not causes, no one knows how great I am, how important I am, how committed I am.  When I hold a candle light vigil my spirituality is evident to all around, when I walk into the hospice facility and sit with a person with dementia, or go to the local jail to visit a person that I may not know but that hasn't had a visit in who knows how long, and just listen, no one can pat me on the back.  When I endorse a candidate I can bask in the glow and get more hits to my blog or social media account, when I sit down with a person of a different faith and build a relationship with that person, talk to that person, struggle to understand and stand with them, people may say that I'm compromising my convictions.  The cause of Christ by necessity diminishes who I want to be, and magnifies the one that lives in me.  It's hard to become less so that he can become more, but that's what we signed up for, or it's what we were supposed to sign up for.  As He becomes more the causes we find ourselves in will take on a new significance.  We will begin to see the individuals instead of the cause itself, and in seeing the individuals through the eyes of Christ we will realize that it's not the cause that matters but the person that is hurting, crying out for something more, something tangible, something that makes a difference today but that will sustain them tomorrow and the next day.

 

So much to say.

Summer is supposed to be a time to re-set.  Theoretically summer brings with it an opportunity to step back a bit and breathe.  Kids are out of school, the air is warm, or in some cases just plain hot, everything takes on a different quality to it, at least that’s what people say, what some people experience. 

Summers for the Newell’s are usually not that way.  There is usually something big going on, or something frustrating or just plain annoying.  That’s the case this year.  As anyone reading my blog knows J was diagnosed with Stage 3 Invasive breast cancer.  To say the months of June and July were hard is an understatement. It’s hard to get your feet back under you when you are hit very clearly with the fragility of life.  As we move down the path that is Chemo and the side effects begin it gets harder and harder to pull out of the downward spiral.  The nausea that everyone prepared us for didn’t happen, the main struggle at the outset was the fatigue,  a few days later we had a night where we were up at 2 or 3 AM with bad back pain, but J chalked that up to something she ate, apparently she had to hit my leg pretty hard to get me to wake up, then there was no sleeping, the other seeming side effect is this persistent cough, and of course the one we were waiting for, the one we knew was coming, the hair falling out, started the day before an interview at a county school.  That one was hard because Josie realized it was happening and well she was a mess, she seems to be on the verge of tears on a regular basis.  Zoey remains clueless, not because we don’t want to tell her but every time we begin to broach the subject, or introduce the beginnings of the conversations she has no interest in continuing.  She went to help Joyce pick out her hair prosthesis (wig) we were seeing the surgeon that day as well and there was still no question no interest even sitting in the waiting room at the breast center. 

Each step of this horrific thing brings the reality of what’s happening into clearer focus.  Having said that the response to Chemo is good, excellent in fact according to the surgeon.  She is very pleased and somewhat surprised at how well the tumor is responding after one treatment.  So why am I not comforted by all of this, why am I not seeing the other side, why am I still so worried, why does it still consume most of my thought process?  I understand and know all the things I’m supposed to, even the things I have told others when I have tried encouraging them, I try and apply them to the situation but it just seems hollow. 

In addition to the whole cancer thing we have the burglary/car theft/ arson thing going on.  We have found out that our insurance claim can’t be processed until the arson unit releases the car, a process that we are told can take weeks or even months. 

Personal stress is coupled with professional stress as well.  J had a great interview and has been hired by a Tech Magnet school in Baltimore County.  There is some maneuvering within Baltimore City Schools but hopefully nothing that will be too much of  a problem.

The months of prayer and relationship building and outreach and work are finally bringing fruit.  We have had three good attendance Sundays in a row, with offering from each of these days being up.  New people keep coming and returning, things are finally working but there is so much more that must be done.  One of the biggest needs that we have is to raise a substantial amount of money in the next few months to keep moving forward.  This task naturally falls on my shoulders as the only full time employee of the church.  We started a process but then all hell broke loose and much of the time that I was planning to devote to this portion of my job was sucked up in dealing with the whole cancer thing. 

The bottom line is I’m just tired.  So very tired of trying to juggle all the balls that keep getting thrown my way.  Not complaining really just putting it out there.  I have always looked at this blog as a place to be me and well right now me is a tired me. 

Wednesday is treatment day.  Those are the long day’s the hard ones that are full of waiting and watching and trying to figure it all out.  Words fail at times, I struggle to make sure I notice things more, to pay attention to J and the girls.  Last night it was all about how to help Zoey get her hair brushed out properly, the whole time my mind kept screaming that it didn’t want to know how to do this, not because I don’t want to brush Zoeys hair, but because if I am learning how to do that stuff, it means she may not be able to or around to do it.  Funny how the mind can just go to that place, even when people are saying that things are looking good and they are pleased.  It’s like sure that’s how it works for other people, but look at our Summer and well yeah.  It’s not the same.

So to update J’s condition, just like I did 6 years ago.

1.  Side effects are not as invasive or debilitating as they could be.

2.  Tired

3.  Hair is leaving. 

4.  Cough won’t go away.

5.  Chemo Wednesday

 

Thanks for reading and praying.