My mother in law and I were talking the other day about the news cycle and all the things that happen and how many of them happened before, but due to the lack of technology were not really known for months or if ever, depending on where you were in the country in relation to the event.
Now we have Facebook, Twitter, Vine, YouTube, CNN, and for those so inclined Fox. Something happens somewhere and we are instantly aware, and in that awareness we all feel obligated to wax eloquent on the situation. But today as I watch my Facebook feed I find myself promising myself that I wont do that anymore.
Our city is litterally in flames in some quarters, police officers have been hurt, some seriously, kids lives are being ruined at an astonishing rate, and city officials are presiding over this nightmare, and people across social media, find it necessary to speak up and tell it like it is.
Please dont, dont politicize this tragedy, dont use it as proof that your side is right, that if only your side was in power things would be diferent. Don't use my citys tragedy as a soap box.
What we should do, pray for our leaders, and the kids, and churches, and pastors and parents. We should look for ways to serve, we as Christ Followers should be there to pick up the pieces, when the dust settles. We should bring trash bags, and rakes and shovels and paint and help a community rebuild. We should make cards for injured officers, and food for people living in looted out areas. We should remember that they were hungry, sick, naked and in prison. So many things we should remember, so many things I should remember.
So please if you have it in your mind to comment on my city, pray first, then as you put keys to screen, pray some more, and finally as you poise your fingers above the enter key...press delete.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Weary in Doing
I'm tired. I toyed with adding a few more words to that sentence, but there really wasn't a reason to do so, those two words perfectly sum up how I feel and have felt for a while now. Jesus knew how to take breaks. We find him doing so throughout the 3.5 years he was in ministry, at times going to a mountain to pray, at times pulling his disciples away, he knew the importance of recharging. Having said that I really get this scripture. ![Galatians 69 [widescreen]](https://anewell.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/galatians-69-widescreen.jpg?w=300)
The verse says don't get weary in doing good... the problem that I run into is recognizing doing good and just doing. I think this happens to a lot of people. We get so caught up in the daily grind of living, doing all the things that we are supposed to do, that the good that we can do gets lost in the shuffle. Even when we intend to do good, life can get in the way, and something we mean to do, or want to do either gets left un-done or is done poorly. Then comes the self-justification, or self judgment, these are the places I usually find myself. I justify a poor job because of the fatigue of being so busy, all the while looking at what I've done feeling terrible because I have failed to meet the needs or expectations of the people I'm serving.
I'm guessing most people read this the way I have in the past, with the idea of how easy it is to get tired of doing good things, or the right thing because it may not really make much of a tangible difference. We know in principle that Jesus tells people not to seek out recognition here on earth, that when we go for the accolades here we "have our reward." That view is a nice neat sewn up easily understood and by some respects easily applied concept. I need to keep doing the right thing, the good thing, because the Bible says to, and if I want that reward when all is said and done to be as good as it can be I shouldn't care if people don't recognize my service, more for me in eternity.
Except as with most of what I now read and then pray about and then let work in me these day's I have begun to see this one in a different light, given the context I find that the new light seems to fit more closely with what may have been intended.
When I am so busy doing all the things that "have" to be done, I tend to forget the things that should be done. I forget the good that should be done because no matter where he was, no matter what was going on, when Jesus saw a person who needed to be reached, he did it, he didn't really pick the "right" people to do good to, he just did good. Be it a Samaritan woman with multiple husbands, a short tax collector who cheated people, a woman caught in "THE ACT," a group of lepers, demon possessed men, a Centurions servant, you name it Jesus did good, in fact he never tired of doing good.
I do though, I know I'm supposed to do good, but when life gets in the way, and all the things I have to do come to mind, I give up the good thing, for the thing that needs my attention, but does that thing really need my attention? Don't get me wrong I'm not advocating disregarding responsibility, sacrificing my family, and allowing myself to become an unhealthy blob with medical issues of my own making. Those things are equally as bad as not doing the good thing. What I am saying is that doing good, actively evaluating what I do when it comes to serving others is important, I need to be sure that the have to do's in ministry don't get in the way of the should do's. But its more than that. I should also do good to my family, my body, and my spirituality.
If it follows that I reap good things in ministry when I do the right thing by those that need ministered to, I'll reap good things when I spend quality and quantity time with my family, stick to my running plan and keep my caloric intake where it should be, and spend time in personal worship and study and reflection.
It's hard though, especially when so many things must be done, when I feel like I can't please anyone including God, and when all I see are more hills to climb. Even though I know that I can and do find rest in Him, there are times I would like that rest to last more than a moment.
The verse says don't get weary in doing good... the problem that I run into is recognizing doing good and just doing. I think this happens to a lot of people. We get so caught up in the daily grind of living, doing all the things that we are supposed to do, that the good that we can do gets lost in the shuffle. Even when we intend to do good, life can get in the way, and something we mean to do, or want to do either gets left un-done or is done poorly. Then comes the self-justification, or self judgment, these are the places I usually find myself. I justify a poor job because of the fatigue of being so busy, all the while looking at what I've done feeling terrible because I have failed to meet the needs or expectations of the people I'm serving.
I'm guessing most people read this the way I have in the past, with the idea of how easy it is to get tired of doing good things, or the right thing because it may not really make much of a tangible difference. We know in principle that Jesus tells people not to seek out recognition here on earth, that when we go for the accolades here we "have our reward." That view is a nice neat sewn up easily understood and by some respects easily applied concept. I need to keep doing the right thing, the good thing, because the Bible says to, and if I want that reward when all is said and done to be as good as it can be I shouldn't care if people don't recognize my service, more for me in eternity.
Except as with most of what I now read and then pray about and then let work in me these day's I have begun to see this one in a different light, given the context I find that the new light seems to fit more closely with what may have been intended.
When I am so busy doing all the things that "have" to be done, I tend to forget the things that should be done. I forget the good that should be done because no matter where he was, no matter what was going on, when Jesus saw a person who needed to be reached, he did it, he didn't really pick the "right" people to do good to, he just did good. Be it a Samaritan woman with multiple husbands, a short tax collector who cheated people, a woman caught in "THE ACT," a group of lepers, demon possessed men, a Centurions servant, you name it Jesus did good, in fact he never tired of doing good.
I do though, I know I'm supposed to do good, but when life gets in the way, and all the things I have to do come to mind, I give up the good thing, for the thing that needs my attention, but does that thing really need my attention? Don't get me wrong I'm not advocating disregarding responsibility, sacrificing my family, and allowing myself to become an unhealthy blob with medical issues of my own making. Those things are equally as bad as not doing the good thing. What I am saying is that doing good, actively evaluating what I do when it comes to serving others is important, I need to be sure that the have to do's in ministry don't get in the way of the should do's. But its more than that. I should also do good to my family, my body, and my spirituality.
If it follows that I reap good things in ministry when I do the right thing by those that need ministered to, I'll reap good things when I spend quality and quantity time with my family, stick to my running plan and keep my caloric intake where it should be, and spend time in personal worship and study and reflection.
It's hard though, especially when so many things must be done, when I feel like I can't please anyone including God, and when all I see are more hills to climb. Even though I know that I can and do find rest in Him, there are times I would like that rest to last more than a moment.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Where's the Spice
Easter is over...that's actually a good thing in some respects. It was supposed to be a banner day for us. A friend of mine posted on Facebook his excitement at breaking an attendance record, we didn't. I read what others are doing, I see posts from friends and churches and read blogs and stats and realize that we have so far to go. This isn't a bad thing, it's good to know there's work to be done, it's exciting to be in a place that has so much potential and to be able to see that potential realized...I'm happy that my buddy had a "successful" Easter, really I am, except that I'm not.
Well that's not true, I am glad that his church was able to reach people but there's some jealousy in my heart and it's not fun to admit that. It's not easy to admit it either. I mean come on I'm a pastor, and furthermore I'm one of those enlightened pastors who measures success in a different way, I look at relationship and connection and quality of connection as opposed to the numbers in the seats. I see the potential we have for reaching our community in new and innovative ways. I'm all about engaging on a deeper level than most churches are willing to go, so me being jealous that a friend of mine had an attendance record last Sunday, and in fact many churches that I know of seemed to do the same shouldn't even be an issue, except it is. I want all the things I just wrote about myself to be true all of the time, at best they are true some of the time, and usually not true at the same times. I came into Easter Sunday happy about the inevitable bump that we would see...except we didn't really see one. Okay that's not accurate there were more people than we usually have, but not enough...not enough for the other part of me that does measure success by the numbers.
It's all about expectations, for instance... I am a huge spiced jelly bean fan. I like them, to me they are better than the fruit flavored ones, I may even like them better than Jelly Belly's but that's up in the air, I can put a serious hurt on a bowl of Jelly Belly's, but I digress. I looked for spiced Jelly Beans this year, and I can't find them, I'm sure they exist somewhere but for some strange reason they weren't around where I was looking. My expectations of eating spiced jelly beans from after Easter sales have not been realized. They are not here. It's the same thing with my expectations for Easter Sunday morning, they just weren't met and there really isn't much I can do about that. I'll just have to deal with it and move on.
Still it's not really easy to deal with. It's hard to see what you know can be, it's hard to look at the number of kids we had, which was great, it's hard to hear the new musician and the new music and all that stuff, and wonder if it's going to work. I want our church to be the place that people in Locust Point think of when they have a need, or when they need someone to talk to or when they need someone to pray for something. I want people in South Baltimore to see us as a place to come to when they are tired and hurting all the ways a person hurts. I want our church to become a hub of ministry activity, that is doing things in the community and the city and well it would branch out from there. I want all these things, and I firmly believe with all that is in me we are taking the steps that need to be taken to see this happen. I believe that we are working in Gods plan to see these things happen, but I'm tired at the same time because it feels like we're pushing a boulder up a mountain sometimes, and when I think that I realize how hard it must seem to the people in the church, who have been here year in and year out, and who have watched things change around them, have watched the family and friends they love and used to serve with either leave, or get older and stop coming, or pass away, and it makes me mad that I even think I have a right to be tired when they have been in the fight for years.
We're not going anywhere. This is where God has called us, and for the vast majority of my time I love what I am doing, love the people that I'm doing it with, and am excited about what is coming, but there are days...days that are supposed to be different, that are supposed to be traditionally more than they are at this point, and in those days I get frustrated and tired, and want to physically pick every person in Locust Point up on a Sunday Morning and carry them into the church...
I guess the hardest part of this whole thing is I know that it's going to take time, a lot of time to see some of the things that I know are possible to happen, I know that we are going to be able to do new things, and see new things and well yea all that stuff but if I were completely honest with myself, I really thought the growth would be faster. I thought we would be at 30 to 50 people on Sunday mornings by now. I thought we would have more musicians some of whom were volunteers, I figured our Kids Ministry would be popping, well okay in some respects it is, but I thought that things would be moving faster...the fact that they are not smacks me in the face and I feel like I'm failing God the people in our church and my family. Expectations suck because, for a person like me, they never really are met.
Anyway that's where my mind has been the past few days...perhaps these thoughts will resonate with others, who knows.
Well that's not true, I am glad that his church was able to reach people but there's some jealousy in my heart and it's not fun to admit that. It's not easy to admit it either. I mean come on I'm a pastor, and furthermore I'm one of those enlightened pastors who measures success in a different way, I look at relationship and connection and quality of connection as opposed to the numbers in the seats. I see the potential we have for reaching our community in new and innovative ways. I'm all about engaging on a deeper level than most churches are willing to go, so me being jealous that a friend of mine had an attendance record last Sunday, and in fact many churches that I know of seemed to do the same shouldn't even be an issue, except it is. I want all the things I just wrote about myself to be true all of the time, at best they are true some of the time, and usually not true at the same times. I came into Easter Sunday happy about the inevitable bump that we would see...except we didn't really see one. Okay that's not accurate there were more people than we usually have, but not enough...not enough for the other part of me that does measure success by the numbers.
It's all about expectations, for instance... I am a huge spiced jelly bean fan. I like them, to me they are better than the fruit flavored ones, I may even like them better than Jelly Belly's but that's up in the air, I can put a serious hurt on a bowl of Jelly Belly's, but I digress. I looked for spiced Jelly Beans this year, and I can't find them, I'm sure they exist somewhere but for some strange reason they weren't around where I was looking. My expectations of eating spiced jelly beans from after Easter sales have not been realized. They are not here. It's the same thing with my expectations for Easter Sunday morning, they just weren't met and there really isn't much I can do about that. I'll just have to deal with it and move on.
Still it's not really easy to deal with. It's hard to see what you know can be, it's hard to look at the number of kids we had, which was great, it's hard to hear the new musician and the new music and all that stuff, and wonder if it's going to work. I want our church to be the place that people in Locust Point think of when they have a need, or when they need someone to talk to or when they need someone to pray for something. I want people in South Baltimore to see us as a place to come to when they are tired and hurting all the ways a person hurts. I want our church to become a hub of ministry activity, that is doing things in the community and the city and well it would branch out from there. I want all these things, and I firmly believe with all that is in me we are taking the steps that need to be taken to see this happen. I believe that we are working in Gods plan to see these things happen, but I'm tired at the same time because it feels like we're pushing a boulder up a mountain sometimes, and when I think that I realize how hard it must seem to the people in the church, who have been here year in and year out, and who have watched things change around them, have watched the family and friends they love and used to serve with either leave, or get older and stop coming, or pass away, and it makes me mad that I even think I have a right to be tired when they have been in the fight for years.
We're not going anywhere. This is where God has called us, and for the vast majority of my time I love what I am doing, love the people that I'm doing it with, and am excited about what is coming, but there are days...days that are supposed to be different, that are supposed to be traditionally more than they are at this point, and in those days I get frustrated and tired, and want to physically pick every person in Locust Point up on a Sunday Morning and carry them into the church...
I guess the hardest part of this whole thing is I know that it's going to take time, a lot of time to see some of the things that I know are possible to happen, I know that we are going to be able to do new things, and see new things and well yea all that stuff but if I were completely honest with myself, I really thought the growth would be faster. I thought we would be at 30 to 50 people on Sunday mornings by now. I thought we would have more musicians some of whom were volunteers, I figured our Kids Ministry would be popping, well okay in some respects it is, but I thought that things would be moving faster...the fact that they are not smacks me in the face and I feel like I'm failing God the people in our church and my family. Expectations suck because, for a person like me, they never really are met.
Anyway that's where my mind has been the past few days...perhaps these thoughts will resonate with others, who knows.
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Until I Wasn't
I've been writing some different things lately. This one has been kicking around in my head the last few days so I decided to go ahead ...
