It is the curse of all mankind that the polar twins should be constantly struggling.

 

Several years ago J and I were able to go and see Jekyl and Hyde with the original cast.  It was great.  The title for this blog comes from there.  I love the story of Hyde.  A man who realizes the good and the bad that resides in all of us and takes steps to exorcise the evil from mankind.

Ultimately he fails because he relies too much on himself and his ingenuity.  Gee does that sound familiar.  This is the problem with most of us, me included.  Dr Jekyll fails, but at least he tried.  He left out a few important things.  He left out God, he left out a support system, he left out the woman that he loved.  He tried so hard and that trying was admirable but he failed. 

I do the same thing,  I think most do, especially when we are people who have been in some form of religious leadership.  We get it in our heads that the message that we preach is for others but we don’t get the same dispensation.  I am amazed at how this works.  We feel like we have to give and give and give and getting or accepting our faults and help is not something anyone wants us to do. I am making a concerted effort to accept mine, to accept help to offer help all those things.  Sometimes I fail still, but I am better for realizing that people don’t want unreachable saints that they have to try and be like,  they want touchable reachable, dare I say struggling leaders who recognize their own shortcomings and are willing to say “Hey I need help too.” 

I just wish I had realized this three years ago.  It’s amazing what it takes for some of us to learn.  Still if we learn it then apply it we may fall down but we can recognize the fall and ask for the help that we need.

Dusting it off

It’s been almost a full month since my last post.  So much has been going on but I have not been keeping up with this and have let it slide way way to far down the totem pole.  

We will be heading out for Thanksgiving. I can’t wait for that just to get away and enjoy being home.  I hope we can enjoy being home.

Z says when my hair grows in it’s skinny hair.  Which is why I don’t grow it in.

Finally I got an A in my last class, that 2 a’s.

I’ll work on being better at this in the coming weeks.

long time coming

It's been a while I know I know I need to do more on here, still that's been difficult.  Here's the problem, I am now going to school, Working at Rising Hope, Job coaching and doing kids and family stuff.

This week however something happened to remind me about God and the place that He once held in my decision making process.  Don't get all spiritual on me please God reminds me of what I have.

While the past year has pretty much sucked dirt in the Newell house God reminds me what we have how much we have.  This week our custodian at the church was burned out of his home, on top of that today at our Kids Rock Kick Off a father brought his kids over and when one of my childcare workers asked for an address and such he said that he didn't know the address that he was living across the street in the motel.

Wow are we blessed.

So much to blog So much forgotten

Over the past week or so there have been moments that I really thought of some great blogs.  I would hear my kids say something and would think wow I need to blog that.  Then I would tell myself that I'll remember it myself.  And inevitably I didn't remember anything.  Amberly said some cool stuff, Zoey did too but I can't remember it.  I even thought of some great stuff but I can't for the life of me remember what it was.  This discourse of course leads me to wonder.  How important is the stuff that we think is important.  How much of what we just have to remember or have to think about or have to devote time to really matters?

Fear and Loathing In VA

Sounds like a strange title for a blog, but bear with me.
I have been afraid of church and have been loathing the old Aaron for a while. Getting over it has been hard and I have begun to but there are times when memories rush in and I cry about the past and what I was and where I would be that kind of thing. I have been editing my facebook page, not getting rid of people but hiding them and such because there really is no point.
When I took this part time thing in VA it was a big step. I admit that Tuesday meetings are hard mainly because it's the same day and sitting in a meeting and doing church stuff is a big reminder. The thing is I'm starting to love the people more than i intended, I'm wanting to do more than is required. I am wanting to jump in all the way not just with both feet but I'm really wanting to go to the spring board take a few jumps and then do a big ol cannonball into it.
This is where the fear and loathing come in. I just can't. I keep reminding myself not to not to get attached not to get into deep relationship to keep it a job. I loath myself for that and fear for myself because that is not a good way to do things but i can't seem to bring myself to do what my heart longs to do.

It's just like Paul says the thing i want to do I dont and the things I dont want to do I run to.

Amazing

I am not totally sure if there is a better title so I thought I would start with this one. I'm behind on the Blog but that is due to the fact that I am not only working part time, and taking care of the girls I am also in school and there is a ton of writing and reading and such so I don't get the opportunity to blog as much.
I titled this amazing because I am still amazed at people in general. Some get offended easily, some just don't get it at all, and some don't know how to talk.

Okay in order
1. Offended easily. One of my classmates who also happens to be in my learning team, or is it on my learning team, said I came off as harsh in one of my communications... imagine, me harsh. I mean really sarcastic sure I'll give you that but I tend to think I'm pretty darn warm and fuzzy.

2. Just don't get it. Yea this is reserved for Amberly. She doesn't get why she has to do what mommy and daddy say sometimes, and prefers to argue and explain why she's right or why things should be her way.

3. Don't know how to talk. Okay thats not really accurate, they know how to talk I just freakin can't understand them and that drives me nuts, again to reiterate a post from a few months back. If you are in a position that must deal directly with customers you should be able to be easily understood.

there we go my rants for the past few weeks
look for a warm fuzzy blog in the next few weeks. at least I'll try for one.

Moving Right Along

Life is going by at an interesting pace. We miss the girls like crazy, they are at Grandmas in Ohio. I'm looking forward to seeing them and J and I are going to go get them on Sunday, I would rather head up tonight and stay through till Monday but that is not going to be the case. There is a Church Council meeting Sunday and I have to bring the changes that I would like to make to this meeting, these meetings are once a month and I get to be at them.

School is different, I am enjoying it, but also kinda of a little bit unsure of how I'm going to do. I can't wait to get into the regular classes as opposed to the intro to graduate studies class.

Ah well we will see what happens. Who knows.