Finally some real information.

Dr just said when I get to her home. I have never wanted to hear any words more than those words in my life. We are still far from things being great. Kidney Function is still abysmal but she is producing urine now just not as much as they want.

Vital signs are good and strong and that is a good thing. There is no bowel obstruction after all at least they dont think there is what they do think is that the mass is pushing on things and that may be pushing on the bowel, which is what is causing the issue.

Now to what happened.

They believe that when J was throwing up on Sunday she aspirated some of the vomit into her lungs, the thing is there stuff bugs whatever that are present in your guts or whatever are not supposed to be in other parts of your body. She was septic. and her lungs took the brunt of it because thats where the bugs were, they are pulling a pretty good amount of fluid off of her lungs.

So whats it mean. Well for the first time a Dr. told me that they could fix her even though he didn’t say we can fix her he said when I get her home, which was not something that he was saying yesterday or even 5 hours ago today.

So here is the Bullet Points

1. She is doing much better.


2. Want to get her off the respirator in the next 2 to 3 days.


3. Kidneys need to be better and start to function properly this is the BIG BIG BIG need. this also it seems is the place where all the things that have been gained could be lost.


4. The Mass does have to be investigated but not until she gets up to a regular room.

While the Doc did say when I get to take her home he doen’st want me to think that she is out of the woods tottally, she “was a very very sick lady” now she is just a “very sick lady”

Thanks for all the prayers, please keep praying as until she is awake and is not on the ventilator she is still considered critical, however she is actually stable now.

A wall of Funk

When you are in a PUBLIC waiting room, even if you are sleeping in that waiting room, and you have been in the Hospital with a loved one please leave your shoes on. When you take them off you make the entire waiting room that you have to share with other people like feet. Thankfully they let me sleep on a recliner in J’s room.

Now on to the update.

They are backing down on the sedation, which is a good thing, last night I kissed her cheek and told her I loved her and she moved her head. FIrst time she has responded to me she also opened her eyes when the respitory therapist did some suctioning. They tell me she won’t remember these things but that was a huge deal for me.

J is maintaining her vital signs on her own which is a good thing. They told me last night that they don’t want to give me false hope, they also said that they may have to give her stuff back if the levels change and they want me to know they can change at any time.

There is still some confusion as to this mass on her adrenal gland. I know that the MICU dr wants it removed, at first they were saying get her okay and schedule it outpatient, now they are saying biopsy and get it out of there now so we are in a holding patter, We are in a holding pattern on so many things.

FInally a top Dr from DC has been checkin on her thanks to the team of people at her school. We are so appreciative for all the care and support coming from that direction.

I am going to get out of the hospital for a bit and get a much needed shower today. I am sure that everyone will thank me the sponge baths are just not cutting it.

So for those that like to have a quick recap

1. VItals Good


2. Responsiveness better


3. Situation still very critical


4. Aaron gets a shower

Thanks for the prayers and concerns

Too many cooks

I never really understood that, one of the things that I love is when J and I work in the kitchen together. When we make candy or when we are cooking, when we are in the same kitchen area it’s just really awesome, I know it drives her nuts sometimes because I can tend to be in the way, even though I don’t mean to be. She and I work well together on so many things. So I never really thought that too many cooks thing was as accurate as they say. I would say though that there are Too many Dr’s.

Talk about conflicting reports. Here is a sample

Renal Team
        renal failure heart is also in failure, we may have to do dialysis

Heart Team
        there is no heart attack, her heart looks strong

Surgical team
        she is very sick, heart is compromised, there is a heart attack

Bood Dude (yes I know thats not politically correct but deal with it)
        internal bleeding, we need to get that under control can’t do surgery till we fix the bleeding

MICU team (general icu dr and team)
        She is very sick but responding to treatment, she is young and that is in her favor. It’s not heart attack as much as heart trauma, Still need her to be sedated.

Lung Team
        Lungs are compromised with pneumonia tons of anti biotics

I ask questions and then get conflicting answers. So it’s quite confusing. One doctor did tell me last night that they are not telling me the answer I want to hear because they can’t promise that it would be better he said for them to tell me that she is going to pass and have her get better than it would be for them to tell me everyithng will be fine and then she passes.

Talked today to the MICU team and they did say she is better than she was when she first got here, still the swelling really bothers me and I just love her and need her to be okay. I am reading to her now and waiting to go back in again.

Thank you all for your prayers, I appreciate all of you and will continue to keep you updated as I find things out.

six o clock in the morning

Last night they brought me a reclining chair and I was able to stay in the icu room with J. It was so important that I get to do that. I am so grateful for the family that surrounds me during the day, even if there are those times that I want some time with just us, thats what makes the nights so important. I am able to be with her and that is good. I can talk to her and pray for her and read to her.

Blood level is up but still not where it’s supposed to be. I am also concerned because she is starting to swell up a little bit. This really scares me, they tell me that she is swelling up because of all the “product” that they are giving her. They also told me that it is going to get worse before it gets better because she can’t walk around.

Why do things have to get worse before they get better? Why do things have to get worse at all?

I want to hear her voice, I want to see her smile, I want to hold her hand and have her hold mine back. I want to drive her to work today and pick her up from work tonight. I just want my family back as a whole.

More to come as the day wears on when I talk to the Dr’s i’ll let you know

Lets Re-Cap

Yesterday J was at church, and after going to the restroom was not returning, her mom went and found J throwing up, she said she wanted to go home, when they returned home, Jean could not get a good blood pressure, J was cold and clammy. She called 911 and they took J to the hospital in Oakland.
They had a hard time getting J stabilized. She has fluid on her lungs and her heart rate was not what it needed to be. Still no idea what it is they put in a chest tube and have her hooked to a ventilator. When they finally got her stabilized they sent her to Ruby Memorial in West Virginia.

I received the call after returning from work and threw some things into a bag and drove to the Hospital. Kidney’s are not good, heart is not good, lungs are full of fluid, gall bladder is 2x’s its normal size and there is a mass on her kidney also there are possible issues with either her spleen or her adrenal gland not sure which one it is 7 cm instead of what it is supposed to be.

The kidney dr’s thought they needed to put her on dialysis due to elevated potassium levels. There is a ptl in that they did the blood work and found out that they did not need to do the dialysis after all. However she is still not out of the woods, we are waiting and praying. She could be sustaining a heart attack she is in with the heart dr’s now.

The girls are staying with family so pray for them. Pray for all of us. I want J to be back and to be normal so pray for her as well. We are waiting for a surgical consult and for the heart dr’s. They are not telling me that they will fix her they are just telling me that they are doing all that they can and that they are doing their best. They also keep saying she is a very sick girl.

Thanks for your prayers

Do you dare...

I realize that I have already posted today, so much is happening in our life right now and I just don’t know what I will do if things don’t change and if I lose her. We get small amounts of good news and then we get the bad news that goes with it as well.
I realize that I am a Pastor though, even if I don’t have a church proper, even if I’m not doing it full time it’s what I am. This realization came as I was sitting in this waiting room. I am not the one that sits I am the one that comforts, and prays for and listens to. I’m the one that helps the Family and now I’m the one that is sitting in the waiting room praying that God will heal my wife, even as I shake my fist at God and ask him why and what’s more.
I know all the answers I have taught them, but those answers don’t matter, all of those answers are true but can be so cliche’. Do I believe in God? Yes, Do I trust him? Yes and no. Am I angry at Him? Yes. My wife is the most spectacualr woman around, she is the most important person in the world, strong, loving, giving and there is not a thing I can do I can’t no matter how hard I try make myself feel anyting but loss and grief and anger. If you are a praying person please pray for J. If you aren’t then know that I understand why you dont pray, I understand what it’s like to feel like your banging your fists on the door of heaven and hear the hollow sound of emptiness.

I am banging my fists right now. I have been for a long time and this whole sad situation makes that banging even more pronounced.

God is listening though. It’s not as hollow as it used to be. It’s populated, there are sounds of life and laughter and music and sorrow and pain. I am a man of God, I will always be and there is no way I can run away from that, at the same time I believe that My God is big enough for me to yell at him a bit and to tell him he’s wrong and to cry on his shoulder and to put him in a box and to blame him. He is big enough to fix J right now where she is, and he is big enough to tell me and her that it’s time for her to leave. If he does tell her to leave though I know that He and I will have a long road ahead, I know that I will be angry and bitter, I know that I will not want to follow not want to serve. I know I will run as far from him as I can if he takes her away. I know this, and so does he. but along with all the things that I know all those things that are and all the running and anger and screaming and blaming that I will do of my God I also know that he will not leave me, he will not abandon me, he will be there when I’m ready to stop what i’m doing and turn to him and I know that when I call on him he will answer me He makes me that promise. He will not stop being God even when I stop believing in HIm, and he will not push me away when I realize that He is doing things in His time in HIs way and that He really does have the best in mind. He will be there with arms wide open when I stop running and he will act like I’ve always been right where he is right by his side, the cool thing is for him it won’t be an act, for him it will be a reality. He will not leave me He will not abandon me He will be waiting to put his arms around me and accept me again as is.

Why?

I am sitting in a waiting room in Morgantown West Virginia waiting for doctors and surgeons to tell me what is happening. None of them will tell me the answer that I want to hear. I keep saying you have to fix her, instead of saying we will, or we are they keep saying they are doing all that they can. I don’t want them to just do all that they can I want them to fix my wife.

We are waiting, thats all we can do.