For the Record…

I often wonder why some people choose their words carefully and others just let it fly.  I have been known to do the later, more than the former, and while I wish I could say that being vocal and opinionated about a myriad of topics was something that people appreciated or respected me for that is often not the case.

Last night I watched the returns online, wall to wall live coverage from all the major networks, and even the minor ones.  The person I voted for won.  I was happy about that, it seemed he had quite a convincing win. I don’t blindly vote.  I don’t think anyone should, there are candidates and issues that are not as simple as many would have us believe,  to vote a strait party ticket out of loyalty makes zero sense, checking your brain at the door because you have declared a party, or because someone who you respect has told you what you should or shouldn’t do when you stand in the voting booth is irresponsible.

So my guy won for president, I voted for the person I thought would do the best job and lined up with the majority of my views on many things.  Notice I said the majority of my views.  There are some things that I philosophically disagree with, there are things that I also disagree with on a spiritual or moral level as well, which brings me to the title of this blog.

Hebrews 12:1 – 2

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.

There were two issues in the state of Maryland that as a right leaning liberal I could not in good conscious vote for.

Let me say that what a person chooses to do is their own business, I do not think I have a right to tell someone who they can and can’t be with.  I don’t believe I can walk into someone's home and ask them to see their bank statements and tell them what they can spend their money on.  Those things are a personal choice, and just like the choices that I make they come with their own sets of consequences, and the person or persons will have to live with the final outcome.

In Hebrews Paul talks bout the sin that so easily trips us up.  I believe that every human in the world has a sin that they struggle with.  A sin that they will almost always fall too.  For some that sin is lust, for some gluttony, gossip is a huge one, or hate, idolatry, lying, stirring up trouble, homosexuality, adultery, stealing.  All of these and more are mentioned throughout scripture.  I don’t argue with what the Bible calls sin.  I don’t try and find ways in the Bible to make some sins okay and others really really bad.  God doesn’t do that either if I read things correctly.  Christians are the ones that assign degrees to sin, they are the ones that seem to find some sins to be “acceptable” and others to be damning.  Reading scripture all these years I have only found one sin that God has said is forever damning, that will separate humanity from God for eternity.  Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.  That’s it all the other sins no matter how offensive they are to me personally God is not only willing and able but desirous to forgive.  It’s not my job to judge the world, it’s not my job to tell people what they can and can’t do, who they can and can’t be with, what they can’t and can’t spend, at least not the people in the world who have no clue about who God is, who have never made a connection to Jesus, who have never chosen to take up their cross and follow Him.  It’s my job to love them, to show them what forgiveness is, to help them to see that God loves them as is, with  no stipulations, and no pre-requisites.

I am a big Nirvana fan, I love the song Come as You Are, it is perhaps one of the best altar call songs ever written.  That’s what God wants for humanity,  come as you are.  With all your issues, all your problems, all your sins, all your talents, all your abilities.  Come to me if you are tired, if you are sick of laying in bed at night feeling empty, of sitting in Star Bucks staring into your third cup of coffee feeling alone, and scared.  come with your need for the feeling you get when the drugs first hit your system, come with your anger and bitterness and hatred for whoever you feel those things for.  Come with your need to be loved, come with your need to be humbled.  Come with the guilt that is there because of something that you did or that happened 10,20,50, 80 years ago or just five minutes ago.  Come just the way you are without any hope of getting it right, because lets be honest.  Humanity has no real hope of getting it right.  While we were built for relationship with God, we screwed it up right out of the gate.

When asked by religious leaders if the Jewish people should pay taxes, Jesus didn’t say no, he didn’t say look for loopholes to get out of it, he didn’t even say we should ask to pay less. He did something that flies in the face of many right wing “evangelical” republicans, He took a coin and asked who’s picture was on it, then he said to give the person that had the picture on the coin what belonged to him and give to God what belonged to God.  I don’t think this just had to do with taxes, I think that there was more to it.

Jesus wants us to worry about things that will make a difference in eternity,  to be salt and light, to go into all the world, to explain to people that God so loved that He gave.  He did not want us to sit in judgment of the world.  Here’s the big issue though, while we are not supposed to judge or condemn the world and those that have not chosen a relationship with Christ, we are told that when it comes to others who claim to be Christ Followers, we will know them by the fruit that they bear, we can look at a person who claims Christ as their Lord and Savior and we can  judge the actions.

So here goes, For the record, I personally believe that marriage is between one man and one woman.  I believe that this is a distinction that God has put in place…however I also believe that  a person who has not made a commitment to Christ can't be told who they can live with or be civilly united with.  I think that a couple that has lived together all their lives, be they gay or strait should be able to have the same retirement benefits, the same healthcare benefits, and the same social security benefits that my wife and I enjoy.  This doesn't mean that they should have the stamp of marriage, but this is my personal opinion.  I can’t tell a person who to love or who to live with, nor would I attempt to but neither can they tell me over and over again that my personal beliefs don’t matter, are antiquated, or should be re-thought in light of a more holistic enlightened world view.  Freedom of speech, religion and thought goes both ways.

For the record, I don’t think that there should be expanded gaming in MD, not because I have an issue with someone going to gamble, go gamble if you want to, go gamble at any one of the casinos that are in Maryland, or anywhere else, however why do we always need more ways to separate people that can’t afford it from their money in the name of education, or jobs.  If you want to gamble go for it, but don’t keep building more because you want higher profits, because you can keep people entranced, or because you feel that this is the only way to bring jobs.

For the Record.  I know that this blog post is going to bother people on both sides of my friend list, my liberal friends are going to be upset because I have said I personally believe that homosexuality is a sin, but I also personally believe that lying is a sin, that stealing is a sin, the list goes on.  I’m don’t stop being friends with a person that lies or that has stolen, or that has issues with lust, I don’t stop loving them or hanging out with them.  I don’t stop respecting them or suddenly become terrified of them, I simply pray for them and try to live my walk with Christ in such a way that they will wonder what makes me different. My conservative friends are going to be upset because I think that civil unions are fine and that couples should be extended benefits, my liberal friends are going to say that expanded gaming will bring jobs, my conservative friends are going to be upset because I said that if people want to gamble go for it.  I never said my positions were easy, but they are my positions.

The bottom line is this, as a Christ follower it is my job to to go and make, not to sit and judge.  Walking up to my friends who happen to be gay and telling them off or trying to beat the Bible into them won’t make a difference. Marching into a Casino and standing up on the craps table with Bible in hand shouting about the evil inherent in gambling will not make one person suddenly drop their chips into the offering plate and walk away.  It will most likely make them look at me with the same look I give to the TV or Radio when I hear Pat Robertson, or Jerry Falwell or John Hagee open their mouth.  Please stop embarrassing yourself and the people you claim to represent.

For the Record I pray that when I stand in front of my creator he can look at all of what Aaron was and all of who Aaron is and smile, and say in spite of all the times you got in the way, we have done well…

Nostalgia

The kids are all off today, in fact they were all off yesterday as well, if I had realized that they were both off for 4 strait days, I would have taken them up to Ohio to see my mom and dad, it’s one of those things that you don’t think of kids being off two days in a row unless it’s for a holiday or in the wake of Frankenstorm. 

J’s school has half days as well, so the answer to keeping me fairly sane was simple, J would take one of the older daughters for the first half of the day and that leaves me with just two, one of which can help get things done in the house the other of which can eat, sleep, and generally be cute.

Waking up with a splitting headache didn’t really help the morning, it did however make Amberly want to be all helpful, at least to a point.  Nostalgia is all about remembering things in a happy way, or a fun way, at least to me that’s what it’s all about.  Amberly started her morning by working on a paper that had to do with her great great grandmother,  J and I have tried to help her flesh this paper out a bit, we didn’t write it for her at all but we did wright down some of our recollections at the bottom of the paper for her to use, stuff from when we would go to Grandma’s place after church on a Sunday to eat with her and spend time listening to stories about what it was like growing up all those years ago, about coming from Italy on a boat, about church and families in the neighborhood and all that fun stuff.  Watching Amberly work on this paper also brought back memories.

There is a picture in my parents house that they insist on leaving up.  It’s of me in a white t shirt, messed up hair fists pounding the table in frustration because of some homework issue, you can see the streaks from my tears.  This is what began to happen today, Amberly was very upset at both J and I for doing it wrong, for helping her wrong for not putting things in that she liked or wanted, this even after I had a lengthy conversation with her teacher the other day.  Remembering is so fun. 

As the morning has worn on, and I have gotten my coffee delivering the needed caffeine to my system, enabling the headache I woke up with to slide a bit further back in my head.  I started to drop some music on my tablet.  Some old school stuff as well as some worship music.  Petra, Stryper, some old POD etc.  as we traveled down to the kitchen for breakfast I put on Stryper, Honestly came on…Amberly said “dad this sounds like music that Grandma would listen too.  Telling her that Grandma HATED Stryper made her wonder.  Why would Grandma hate them this sounds like a song she would like.  Of course when Honestly came on my mind went strait to the Skate Zone in Boardman or the rink in Champion, the lights would dim and the dj would tell us all that it was couple skate.  That nerve-wracking time in a young adolescents life when they have to decide if they want to hold hands with a member of the opposite sex for a whole song, of course doing so would mean you were a couple.  What a way to declare your undying puppy love than to spend a whole song going round and round the rink. 

There are so many good things in my life to remember, there are bad things too, most of which resulted from bad choices on my part.  The important thing about nostalgia is that it’s there for a reason. 

The Bible is full of admonitions to remember things.  To recall the things God has done for us, to remember his love, his laws, his grace, his justice, his faithfulness.   It also calls for us to remember something else that I think many of us forget, Hebrews 10:32 says it like this; ^“Think back on those early days when you first learned about Christ. Remember…”  The verse goes on to talk about not falling to persecution and such, not always something we have to worry about in our country, contrary to what many Evangelicals would have you and I believe, our faith is still allowed, we can still worship who we choose, our choices as to who we call God are still not only valid but protected.  We have unprecedented freedom of expression and belief.  I know it’s not the going thing to actually talk about how blessed Christians are to live in our country, especially on election day when so many prominent evangelicals want to talk about how there is a war on faith, how voting a certain way can “cause Christians to burn.” how important it is that we turn back the clock to a better time a more church friendly or whatever friendly time.   It amazes me as well how easy it is for Christians to talk about freedom of speech and expression and religion but to turn around and want to put a gag order on others who do not see eye to eye with them.  Are we as evangelicals that insecure?  Do we really have to be the moral bully that walks around the school yard telling people that unless they believe the way we do then they are wrong, that unless they don’t smoke, and they don’t chew and they don’t go with those who do, they don’t’ really have a place at our table?  I never really read this out of Jesus, even in his anger I don’t really read this.  He threw the sellers out of the Temple, not because of who they are but because of the fact that they were distracting people from the purpose of the Temple.  He didn’t throw them out of the market, or out of the sidewalk in front of the Temple, he said that these things can’t be in the place of worship.  This is different than what Christians today want to do, they want to say what can happen in their church, and then turn around and tell people what they can do in the marketplace, in their home or in a school. 

I am increasingly coming to believe that if Christians would worry more about Jesus final mandate, going into all the world and making disciples.  If they would remember that we are to love those who would be our enemies no matter who we think our enemies are, and do go to those that would abuse or use us in a spiteful way.  If they would be salt and light instead of rubbing salt into wounds.  If followers of Christ would truly work at being more like the person they claim to follow, and less like the person they see on TV that claims to have the inside track on Gods political affiliation, his views on sinners, and his desires to wreck old testament style vengeance on a sick and dying world.  If they would share their faith not by pounding the pulpit but by giving to those that are in need.  If those things would happen, then we would see attitudes toward Christ followers change.  Until then I fear that those of us who work out our salvation on a daily basis, that walk with God and recognize that we sin, and realize that we are not there yet will constantly find the need to put our head down and beg whatever “Christian” celebrity of the moment to please stop talking, we will no longer have to apologize for what they say and explain that not everyone that names Christ as their Lord and Savior thinks the best way to show his love is to condemn and judge people who don’t even claim a relationship with God. 

Hope that makes sense, hope it doesn’t hurt my chances at a church, and if it would, well I wouldn’t want to be a pastor at that church in the first place.

To Be Noticed

Job 1:8 ( NLT )

⁸Then the LORD asked Satan, “Have you noticed my servant Job?”

I think I’ve been reading Job wrong all these years.  It used to be that when times got difficult or particularly cruddy I would break into Job.  Reading about this man who had it all, lost it all, and got it all back.  What a great story.  What a great inspiration, in the end I’ll get it all back and then some.  Except this really isn’t an accurate reading, I’m getting that more and more as I read it this time, and for the record I didn’t pick it because of the current situation or lack of it with PUMC.  It happens to be where I’m reading in the Old Testament. First by myself, then with my family.

A few observations, of all the stories in the Bible, this is the one that reminds me most of something strait out of mythology.  Now don’t get upset to all my Christ Follower friends, and the few pastors who may or may not read these pages, especially any potential churches that may be looking my way.  I didn’t say it was mythology I said it reads like it.  Satan hanging out in heaven with the rest of the heavenly court…I always understood Lucifer's fall to be a one way street.

Anyway I want to focus on the first part of chapter one verse 8, because this will be repeated again word for word in Job 2 verse 3.  So much so that when we were reading it last night Amberly said “but dad you already read this.”  Sometimes I will admit I enjoy it when she says something that she is so sure of so positive she has beat us on and I can still show her that at 10 she doesn’t have it all figured out.

These verses speak volumes to me about what this book actually is in the Bible for.  “Have you noticed.”  I want God to say this about me.  I think every Christ followers desire should be to have the author of their faith say this about them.  Have you noticed?  What I like most about God asking this question is what it implies, God had noticed, and not only had he noticed Job, he was proud of this man that was a follower of his, so much so that he wanted to point him out to others in the heavenly court.

I used to think that God was being a jerk when he did this to poor old Job.  I thought that God was trying to prove a point, that he wanted Job to really understand where everything he had came from.  This is of course inaccurate, Job is clear in his responses to the trials that came on him. “The Lord Gave me what I had and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!” and later when his wife tells him to curse God  and die; “Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad? “  Job understood a few things,  first the Lord is the one that orders our lives, I don’t say that he runs them, I don’t think that God builds a huge hot wheels track and puts us on it.  I’m not so much into the whole destiny rules us type of thing, however I think God does order our lives, I think he has a plan and a calling for them and working in conjunction with our free will and our obedience we will eventually be where he wants us to be.  So many times Christians use the old stand by of “the devil made me do it, or the devil is attacking, or the devil is really busy, and while I believe this is true to some extent.  I also realize that the only power the devil really has is power that he is given.  Satan couldn’t outright attack Job, as a follower of God, Job was covered, notice that God didn’t take all these things away, but he did have to give permission.  What happens in a Christ followers life happens because of choices that they make, and because of God’s desire to see us grow and mature, his willingness to help us work out our own salvation as it were.  He lets things happen in our lives because he knows that doing so has the potential to bring us even closer to him.

Still back to “Have you noticed?”  I wonder if God can say this about me.  I wonder if God does notice, so much so that there are times that he just can’t help but want to brag on me a little bit.  To point me out, to have enough faith in the person that he created in Aaron that I won’t “curse God and die.”  Job isn’t so much about giving us a person to relate with when things go south, a picture of wow at least it’s not as bad as poor old Job.  On the contrary I don’t for a minute thing it’s poor old Job any more. When I read Job now I see an example of what I want God to say when he’s talking about me.

“Have you noticed my servant Aaron?”

A Few Days Later

It’s been a few days, six to be exact and I thought it may be good to get a blog post out there, just so that I can have a record of the bizarre way things went down last Thursday.

For those that don’t know or haven’t figured it out if you’re on my Facebook page, last Thursday two representatives from the SPRC came in and told me that there was just not a good fit with PUMC.  This information, while not necessarily rocket science to figure out, came out of the blue and with the added bonus of not working at PUMC any more.  There were a few interesting things that surrounded the announcement.  I was in the final stages of prep for the Christmas Pageant, had just had what I had thought was a great staff meeting Tuesday, and a fine day at work on Wednesday.  Couple that with the fact that the pastor was out of town and chose not to tell me that she was not really happy with the direction things were going, and the fact that the Parish Administrator had no idea this was coming made it all the more surreal. 

Here’s the thing, a couple months ago at what I would say was my six month review the SPRC stated that they were happy with the direction of things, they gave me a list of things that they would like to see happen and that they wanted me to make sure happened,  in cleaning out my office I found the list and went down it… all the things that they asked for were done. 

I told them that given the circumstances I needed to be candid with them, I explained that over the last few months I had been banging my head against the wall, I told them that while it sounded good to want things to change, and that moving forward with new ways of doing things were the right things to say, the church didn’t really seem to be ready for things to be different, finally I told them that if and when they decided to hire someone else, they needed to not hire a man. 

The thing is I found myself compromising a lot of who I am.  I found myself changing how I talk, how I act, and how I write.  I will be the first to admit that mechanically I have challenges with writing.  Anyone who reads the blog knows, and if you don’t I can tell you my wife the English teacher is constantly telling me that I seem to be afraid of commas, and I also can write some of the longest sentences in the world.  Having said that I have never used the word honor more when describing my actions when it comes to other people than I did when at PUMC.  I was trying to honor everything and everyone. 

The most interesting thing in all of this is I’m really not all that upset.  I was beginning to question a lot of things personally when it came to things at PUMC.  I was beginning to see that the whole situation had the potential to come to my exit after Christmas anyway.  So I’m not mad, I’m not bitter, I’m not even worried.  I am sad for the students and the new teachers that were identified, I’m sad for the couple of friends that I made, but I’m not sad to be out of a place that I had come to dread going too.

I think I can pin point when it began to go south.  A question was asked prior to a staff meeting, it went something like this; “What one thing does your church do, that makes it a shining beacon of welcome in your community, that makes people take notice and say this is what PUMC is all about and what they do well?”  I answered honestly, I said I had no clue.  After being at a church for 10 months, for me to not know that answer was telling, to me as well as to the pastor of the church. 

There were other personality conflicts and all that stuff that happens no matter where you are?  I just know that this is not the end, in fact I’m fairly certain that this is the beginning of God doing something new, taking us to someplace that is fit for our family and for that church. 

I have always believed that God allows things in our lives to strengthen us, and to prepare us for something that is truly a collaboration.  A God and us coming together to do what will ultimately be the best thing for His glory and for our good, even if I can’t see it, or understand it, or even make sense of it.  There is a reason.

Solomon said it best, “to everything there is a season.'” the best thing about seasons is that they each bring with them something special, something that can only happen during that time.  I wonder when things are finally said and done and the Newell’s are where they are being led, what we are going to be able to use from this time of our lives. 

So long…so bad

Last night I did some resume updating, and all the subsequent things you do when you update your resume.  That’s when I noticed that it had been over a month… in fact well over a month since I had taken time to write. 

Much has happened in the time between then and now.  I have recovered from foot surgery, watched two of my girls get a year older, bringing one of them to double digits, and added a year to my own trip around the sun bringing me one step closer to 40, and as I sit here this morning watching Josie sleep on my bed I realize in just 2 days she will be 1.  Notice I said one none of this 12 or 24 month crap for me, she has been on earth for a year, that fact in and of itself is an amazing thing to me, as we thought we were done having children… safe to say we are now though. 

Other things have happened, things that have frustrated me, things that have brought joy things that have brought sadness. 

As I walk through life, trying desperately to work out my salvation, I have come to the realization that it is work.  Any relationship is work, but a relationship with God is at times harder than anything.  You can’t see him, you can’t hear him, you can’t touch him.  You are tasked with so many difficult things when it comes to a relationship with God not the least of which is faith. Still I would much rather have the comfort of that relationship, the understanding that comes from belief than to not have that connection.

Things have been getting difficult and in that difficulty I am realizing that I don’t really need to be creative or innovative, so many times people say that is what they want, but when those things begin to happen the discomfort that is there brings them back to what is familiar, and so those that push forward end up stopping, at least that’s what I’m doing. 

Finally I have to wonder what a relationship with Christ means to others that I know.  I know what it means to me, I understand what it is.  I understand that there are certain universal markers for what a follower of Christ, any follower of Christ has when it comes to their relationship.  What does a person do when those markers are missing or not even understood by others who state they know Jesus?

I have always said this is my blog, and that I write on it to work out my own issues and see what others think.  I admit it’s been a while but I hope some of you reading will get it and at the least offer a prayer for this time of confusion.

More next week… I promise

UGGGGGG

Today marks one of those days that even when I think I have gotten things right, even when I wait for proofing, even when I painstakingly work side by side with an editor to be sure things are right.  I still screw it up, the worst part is when I go back and read over and recheck , I don’t see the errors that others have seen. 

So ready to give up on the whole thing.  I get frustrated at myself and at others, I fee like no matter how much quality control I put in, how much I try to give writing perfection to a group of people who I am told have been offended by previous type o’s nothing really works, I always am told it’s just not good enough.

So yes UGGGGG.  It’s enough to make a person want to just walk away from the whole mess.

Childish Curiosity

VBS the three letter word that so many parishioners dread, mainly because when a church VBS starts up it’s almost a given that they are going to be asked to volunteer three to five days out of their lives in an effort to reach out to a large group of kids.  There is of course the potential to reach their families as well, especially  if the church opens the VBS to people outside of the church. 

This year I was asked by the coordinator of VBS to be in charge of the stories, of course when I agreed to this I didn’t think I was going to be hobbling around after foot surgery, but hey not much can be done for that. 

Yesterday was a very  interesting day.  Kids can ask some of the most interesting questions.  Our first and second grade class had a great question.  Mr. A (that’s what they call me) How can Jesus be in every ones heart at the same time?  I asked the students to take a few deep breaths.  I then asked them what they were doing when they did so.  “Breathing,” “and what were you breathing?”  “Air”  I went on to ask if there was enough air for everyone to which they replied yes. Jesus is like that air there’s enough of him for everyone. 

Crisis averted the last class of the day came in our third, fourth, and fifth graders.  We finished up the story of when John baptizes Jesus, I mentioned that we didn’t hear much more from John after this until he asks if Jesus is the Messiah while in prison.  The end of his prison term came with his death.  I wasn’t going to mention the the whole beheading thing, but one of the kids asked what happened.  I had just told a story and figured they would rather do something else, the kids asked me to tell them the story anyway.

I love the curiosity that these student’s have shown.  The desire to know more about God and the willingness to just ask the questions that many adults may consider silly.  Sad really.  More and more I am realizing that we are supposed to come to God like a child, because children ask questions without really worrying about what it may sound like or look like or how it may make them look.  This phenomena doesn’t last very long.  Already Amberly is starting to censure herself,  preferring to think about how a question will make her appear or seem. 

I wish I could stop time and keep her right here, in the sweet spot where daddy is still cool.  I see it changing every day, I watch her out of the corner of my eye giving me the same look that I gave my parents when I realized that they didn’t know it all, that they weren’t super people, that they were human.  I remember when I thought my dad was the coolest thing in the world.  I remember when I realized he wasn’t and now all these years later, I understand how much it hurts.