Weary in Doing

I'm tired. I toyed with adding a few more words to that sentence, but there really wasn't a reason to do so, those two words perfectly sum up how I feel and have felt for a while now.  Jesus knew how to take breaks.  We find him doing so throughout the 3.5 years he was in ministry, at times going to a mountain to pray, at times pulling his disciples away, he knew the importance of recharging.  Having said that I really get this scripture.  

The verse says don't get weary in doing good... the problem that I run into is recognizing doing good and just doing.  I think this happens to a lot of people.  We get so caught up in the daily grind of living, doing all the things that we are supposed to do, that the good that we can do gets lost in the shuffle.  Even when we intend to do good, life can get in the way, and something we mean to do, or want to do either gets left un-done or is done poorly.  Then comes the self-justification, or self judgment, these are the places I usually find myself.  I justify a poor job because of the fatigue of being so busy, all the while looking at what I've done feeling terrible because I have failed to meet the needs or expectations of the people I'm serving.

I'm guessing most people read this the way I have in the past, with the idea of how easy it is to get tired of doing good things, or the right thing because it may not really make much of a tangible difference.  We know in principle that Jesus tells people not to seek out recognition here on earth, that when we go for the accolades here we "have our reward."  That view is a nice neat sewn up easily understood and by some respects easily applied concept.  I need to keep doing the right thing, the good thing, because the Bible says to, and if I want that reward when all is said and done to be as good as it can be I shouldn't care if people don't recognize my service, more for me in eternity.

Except as with most of what I now read and then pray about and then let work in me these day's I have begun to see this one in a different light, given the context I find that the new light seems to fit more closely with what may have been intended.

When I am so busy doing all the things that "have" to be done, I tend to forget the things that should be done.  I forget the good that should be done because no matter where he was, no matter what was going on, when Jesus saw a person who needed to be reached, he did it, he didn't really pick the "right" people to do good to, he just did good.  Be it a Samaritan woman with multiple husbands, a short tax collector who cheated people, a woman caught in "THE ACT," a group of lepers, demon possessed men, a Centurions servant, you name it Jesus did good, in fact he never tired of doing good.

I do though, I know I'm supposed to do good, but when life gets in the way, and all the things I have to do come to mind, I give up the good thing, for the thing that needs my attention, but does that thing really need my attention?  Don't get me wrong I'm not advocating disregarding responsibility, sacrificing my family, and allowing myself to become an unhealthy blob with medical issues of my own making.  Those things are equally as bad as not doing the good thing.  What I am saying is that doing good, actively evaluating what I do when it comes to serving others is important, I need to be sure that the have to do's in ministry don't get in the way of the should do's.  But its more than that.  I should also do good to my family, my body, and my spirituality.

If it follows that I reap good things in ministry when I do the right thing by those that need ministered to, I'll reap good things when I spend quality and quantity time with my family, stick to my running plan and keep my caloric intake where it should be, and spend time in personal worship and study and reflection.

It's hard though, especially when so many things must be done, when I feel like I can't please anyone including God, and when all I see are more hills to climb.  Even though I know that I can and do find rest in Him, there are times I would like that rest to last more than a moment.

Where's the Spice

Easter is over...that's actually a good thing in some respects.  It was supposed to be a banner day for us.  A friend of mine posted on Facebook his excitement at breaking an attendance record, we didn't.  I read what others are doing, I see posts from friends and churches and read blogs and stats and realize that we have so far to go.  This isn't a bad thing, it's good to know there's work to be done, it's exciting to be in a place that has so much potential and to be able to see that potential realized...I'm happy that my buddy had a "successful" Easter, really I am, except that I'm not.

Well that's not true, I am glad that his church was able to reach people but there's some jealousy in my heart and it's not fun to admit that.  It's not easy to admit it either.  I mean come on I'm a pastor, and furthermore I'm one of those enlightened pastors who measures success in a different way,  I look at relationship and connection and quality of connection as opposed to the numbers in the seats.  I see the potential we have for reaching our community in new and innovative ways.  I'm all about engaging on a deeper level than most churches are willing to go, so me being jealous that a friend of mine had an attendance record last Sunday, and in fact many churches that I know of seemed to do the same shouldn't even be an issue, except it is.   I want all the things I just wrote about myself to be true all of the time, at best they are true some of the time, and usually not true at the same times.  I came into Easter Sunday happy about the inevitable bump that we would see...except we didn't really see one.  Okay that's not accurate there were more people than we usually have, but not enough...not enough for the other part of me that does measure success by the numbers.

It's all about expectations, for instance... I am a huge spiced jelly bean fan.  I like them, to me they are better than the fruit flavored ones,  I may even like them better than Jelly Belly's but that's up in the air, I can put a serious hurt on a bowl of Jelly Belly's, but I digress. I looked for spiced Jelly Beans this year, and I can't find them, I'm sure they exist somewhere but for some strange reason they weren't around where I was looking.  My expectations of eating spiced jelly beans from after Easter sales have not been realized.  They are not here.  It's the same thing with my expectations for Easter Sunday morning, they just weren't met and there really isn't much I can do about that.  I'll just have to deal with it and move on.

Still it's not really easy to deal with.  It's hard to see what you know can be, it's hard to look at the number of kids we had, which was great, it's hard to hear the new musician and the new music and all that stuff, and wonder if it's going to work.  I want our church to be the place that people in Locust Point think of when they have a need, or when they need someone to talk to or when they need someone to pray for something.  I want people in South Baltimore to see us as a place to come to when they are tired and hurting all the ways a person hurts.  I want our church to become a hub of ministry activity, that is doing things in the community and the city and well it would branch out from there.  I want  all these things, and I firmly believe with all that is in me we are taking the steps that need to be taken to see this happen. I believe that we are working in Gods plan to see these things happen, but I'm tired at the same time because it feels like we're pushing a boulder up a mountain sometimes, and when I think that I realize how hard it must seem to the people in the church, who have been here year in and year out, and who have watched things change around them, have watched the family and friends they love and used to serve with either leave, or get older and stop coming, or pass away, and it makes me mad that I even think I have a right to be tired when they have been in the fight for years.

We're not going anywhere.  This is where God has called us, and for the vast majority of my time I love what I am doing, love the people that I'm doing it with, and am excited about what is coming, but there are days...days that are supposed to be different, that are supposed to be traditionally more than they are at this point, and in those days I get frustrated and tired, and want to physically pick every person in Locust Point up on a Sunday Morning and carry them into the church...

I guess the hardest part of this whole thing is I know that it's going to take time, a lot of time to see some of the things that I know are possible to happen,  I know that we are going to be able to do new things, and see new things and well yea all that stuff but if I were completely honest with myself, I really thought the growth would be faster.  I thought we would be at 30 to 50 people on Sunday mornings by now.  I thought we would have more musicians some of whom were volunteers, I figured our Kids Ministry would be popping, well okay in some respects it is, but I thought that things would be moving faster...the fact that they are not smacks me in the face and I feel like I'm failing God the people in our church and my family.  Expectations suck because, for a person like me, they never really are met.

Anyway that's where my mind has been the past few days...perhaps these thoughts will resonate with others,  who knows.

A disturbing trend…

There have been many times in the past few months that I have thought of completely leaving social media, well Facebook.  I lay the blame for this consideration squarely at the feet of Christians.  Well okay not just at their feet, I also lay some of it at the feet of panderers, you know who I mean the ones that post ultimatums about who their real friends are, the fact that many times the people who post these ultimatums also happen to be or claim to be Christians leads me right back to the whole I lay the blame of being ready to give it all up at their feet. 

On any given day when I check out either of my Facebook feeds, yes I have two one for professional use and one for private use, I am overwhelmed by the number of “friends” who practice what I think I’ll start calling American Jesus Guerilla Warfare, I also come across several people who have swallowed the religious right’s vitriol hook line and sinker, and then of course there are those that are more concerned about their constitutional rights than they are about people who are lost.  Equally disturbing are the people who feel it’s their duty to prove their particular point of view regarding scripture is the correct one.  It’s really no secret that my faith has been evolving and changing over the years, things that I was sure of 10 years ago are not not so clear.  I personally think that’s a good thing, it makes me push deeper into scripture, attempt to find out what the actual words used mean instead of what they are interpreted to mean, and really wrestle with some things that used to seem easy to understand and now are grey areas.  ( I have always said that I feel there are grey areas in the Bible, something that has always put me at odds with most Christians I know and have been or am friends with.)  Now don’t get me wrong,  the reason that there are grey areas in the Bible has everything to do with humanity and nothing to do with God.  Here’s the thing humans rarely get it right when it comes to interpreting God.  The problem is the recent trend I see coming from friends, friends of friends, and religious leaders. 

When I look at the life and words of Jesus, and the life of the early church leaders and compare them to American Jesus and popular pastors there is really no comparison.  Persecution was to be expected, in fact more than expected it was to be welcomed with joy. 

James 1:2 (NLT)
² Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.

That’s counterintuitive to western pastors and Christians, when troubles come our way we don’t consider it an opportunity for joy, we look at is as a call to arms.  An opportunity to stand up for our rights.  Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek, yet we would rather put up our dukes.  American Christians have anointed the republican party as Jesus party, yet if we would admit to it, Jesus had the most criticism for people who cared more about personal rights, and personal wealth than he did for the people who recognized the need to be actively involved in reaching out to people who were disenfranchised and didn’t have the right upbringing, or know the right people to have any real say in the way the known world was governed.  I used to tell a buddy of mine that Jesus was a Socialist, mainly to spark debate, and while that’s not really a completely accurate label to place on him, there are views of socialism in his words and work, the problem is whenever humans get their hands on one or two concepts that form a way to live a life that is worth living they will corrupt it. 

The thing that disturbs me the most is the fact that so many people blindly follow whatever a religious leader says as long as they slap a Bible verse on it or say “God told me.”   That’s the problem though.  It’s much easier to find someone you agree with, and then follow along blindly, forgetting to dig in on your own, to find out what the context is, to learn and ask questions, and make messes in our faith.  What happens when you struggle with what you believe, when you ask the questions you’re not supposed to ask and then dig for the answers can be frightening, mainly because it has the potential to set you at complete odds with the people you grew up with, the people you love, or the people who are supposed to know the truth. 

If we take seriously what Jesus said was the most important thing, loving God and Loving others, then our interactions will by necessity look different.  The place where this falls apart for humans is at the loving others part.  It’s easy to love God in some ways,  there is not real interaction there beyond prayer and reading the Bible, some would argue that church attendance proves that I love God but to me that’s more of a way to prove to others how committed I am.  It’s harder to love others, because others are here and can be interacted with.  Others have the potential to hurt our feelings, or to cause us heart ache, or to not love us back.  Jesus tells us that’s the most important thing that we can do though, love.  If that’s the case why do Christians spend so much time doing other things?  Again referencing social media, I find Christians taking sides against each other on all sorts of issues, debating things like the person and work of the Holy Spirit, the importance of creationionism the true meaning of Hebrews 1.  

Equally disturbing are the friends that have taken up the cause of the NRA as something that Jesus would do, pushed for prayer and other “Christian” things to be placed in our schools, and attacking our president and members of congress and the supreme court who are not from “Jesus” party.  Christians are more interested in fighting the good fight when it comes to traditional marriage, than they are with loving God and loving people.  It disturbs me that the litmus test for true faith has become where people stand on these issues as opposed to how much they love and serve.   

Matthew 7:20 (NLT)
²⁰ Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.

If I apply this verse and the ones before it to what I read and see from so many “Christians”  I fear they are missing the point of what Jesus told us to do.  In our zeal to be right, we are leaving out the fact that we were never really told to be right.  We were to to be salt, and light… Paul became all things to all so that he could save some.  The American church has told all people to become like them so that they could be saved, it’s twisted but it works, it sells books, and gets likes, and gets re-tweets and plays well to the chosen few.  Meanwhile people who are lost are looking at the church as a club that they don't’ want to join because they could never possibly fit in with a group of people who knows it all and can’t stand to be around anyone not like them.  A group so insulated from reality that when the do poke their heads up it’s to tell everyone how wicked and evil they are, how much we need to get back to the principles that we were founded on, and how we should stand up for what’s right and true and honest. 

I’m disturbed because so many of us are “taking a stand,” but we are forgetting this warning. 

1 Corinthians 10:12 (NLT)
¹² If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall.

I guess the most disturbing thing to me though is how easy it is for me to fall into the same traps.  Far from being a member of the card caring religious right, it’s easy for me to discount everything they say, to try and poke holes in their theology to condemn them for not living the way I say Jesus lived.  It’s disturbing to realize that I too do the same thing that they do.  I’m all for reaching the lost and the hurting, to being a pastor who is willing to listen and dig and read and walk beside anyone no matter who they are as long as the who they are is not one of those people who are so obviously bigoted and wrong and narrow minded.  In my zeal to get people on the right to realize that whosoever means whosoever, I forget that they are in that group as well.  It’s an over correction on my part and it’s hard to admit that I’m like them, and in saying I’m like them, I’m putting us on opposite sides and starting the whole process over again. 

The thing is the cornerstone of our faith is supposed to be grace,  it is because of God’s grace that we are saved, and it is with that type of grace that we should handle each other even when we disagree. 

Oh grow up!

It took me forty years to grow up, if I had done so sooner life would have been so much easier.  I used to think that being grown up meant that you hit an age.  When I was younger I always looked toward the next milestone.  I wanted to be double digits, then it was being a teen, then it was being 16 so I could drive, then it was being 18 legally an adult, then 20 because for some reason 20 meant I was more of a grown up.  Then came 30, I thought 30 was grown up, and as my 30's began to trickle away, I found that the elusiveness of feeling like a grown up was still there, and as 35 turned to 36 and then there was 39 and it was a year till 40 and I still had a few things that needed working out in order to feel like a grown up...

Things that did not make me feel like a grown up...

1.  Getting Married.

2.  Graduating college.

3.  Getting a "real job."

4.  Buying a car. (several by now have been bought)

5.  Buying a house.

6.  Having children

7.  Going on a real vacation with the kids mentioned in number 6.

These and myriad other things are supposed to make a person feel like a grown up, or at least are supposed to be signs of being grown up.  The problem is they really don't mean that you are grown up at all.  For some reason we look at milestones in life and assign huge meaning to them, and sure sometimes that makes sense, and I would never discount anyone's accomplishments, mine included, but doing grown up things doesn't necessarily make you a grown up.  Watch any episode of 16 and Pregnant and you can see that principle played out on a regular basis.

Something happened when 40 hit though.  I wish I could put my finger on exactly what it was.  I think it had to do with a few things though.



 

 

Reading that verse always brought to mind toys, and games, and frivolity for some reason, but more and more in the last couple of years I have come to the realization that it has so much more meaning than the obvious.  When I think and act and speak like a child, I have a decidedly me-centric view of the universe.  This translates several ways and across many different aspects of daily life.  My outlook has shifted in many places and ways,  I think more about the people around me, how my action and inaction affects them.  I think of that with my family, and with friends.  I look at what is needed more than what is wanted.  I don't make nearly as many unilateral decisions any more.  So sure those are ways to put away childish things.

I  stopped trying to shoehorn myself into a profession that was obviously no longer a viable option for me.  Sure there are youth pastors that are over 35, successful ones, called ones.  I always fancied myself as the eternal youth pastor.  "I'll always be relevant." except I'm not.  I keep up with trends, I read, I listen, I watch I observe, but there comes a point when some people can do all those things and still remain engageable, and some can't.  I obviously couldn't.  This became clear during one of those vacations I talked about earlier.  We were at a water park.  There were all kinds of cool slides,  I love roller coasters, water slides anything that goes fast and does loops all of it, usually.

There was this one water slide that Amberly really wanted to go on.  We began climbing the steps to the top of the slide.  Let me explain.  One of the "draws" of this slide was a surprise factor.  You entered the tube and stood on a platform, the operator closed the little gate behind  you and you stood on said platform for whatever duration the operator saw fit, he or she would then push a button, and wammo the platform would drop and you would shoot straight down till you hit the curve of the slide.  I looked at it, and at that moment realized...I don't have anything to prove any more.  Sure there was a time that I would have done it because I had to show people I wasn't afraid, that I could do anything, fill in the blanks.  That day I just didn't care any more.  I cheered my daughter on, explained that if she wanted to do it great, but that if she didn't that was okay.  She asked if I was chicken or something like that, trying to goad dad on,  I'm ashamed to say there was a time when I would have said oh yea watch...to my kid. I looked at her laughed and said, I don't really have to prove anything any more.  Walking down the steps I saw a couple of other people doing the same, one guy and I looked at each other laughed and said, nope I don't have to do this to prove I'm grown up or a man or whatever.   I'm pretty sure that was the beginning of the realization that no matter how hard I tried, the relatability  factor was gone on some level.

Still putting away childish things is so much more than that, especially when it comes to the spiritual side of life.  I hate to admit it but there was a time when I blindly followed along behind all the people I was supposed to blindly follow along behind.  It's easy to do.  Many people in Christian leadership today are what they are because it's what they are supposed to be, and they know what they are supposed to be because their pastor, or college, or parents told them what they are supposed to be.  "true christians" are supposed to be republicans, they are supposed to be against "the gays" against teen mothers, against any religion that isn't the true American religion... They are supposed to be for prayer in school, and for hating Muslims because didn't God say wipe out and utterly destroy people in the Old Testament?  They are supposed to be for gun rights, and free speech, as long as it's their speech, prayer in schools. Homeschooling is the preference, as is the right to refuse to be vaccinated.  As a kid there was a chore list that had to be completed, you could check off the things you had done and see how right you were.  Do the chores, and there was a reward, don't do them and there was punishment.  I fear that many people in America, many of my old friends, have this view of christianity.  They take the chore chart, or the list and if they can check off the boxes the right way then they are good christians who get to go to Heaven.

The problem is that kind of faith is not all that personal, at least to me it's not that personal.  The more I age, the more I realize that there are so many things I had wrong.  So many issues that I took for granted because I let other people tell me what it was supposed to be.  Being a grown up means a faith without a check list.  It means looking at someone who isn't supposed to be able to be in a relationship with Jesus, someone who isn't supposed to be able to claim Christ until they change and realize that they just may have a deeper relationship with the one who Died for us than I have.

If we look at the way Jesus lived, the people he talked to, the people he loved, and lived with and reached to, we don't see that many religious people, and when some of the people who he hung out with tried to get all religious he told them to back off and stop making it so hard for people to have a relationship with him (Acts 10:9-16)  Okay not in those words but what he did say was don't tell me something is unclean if I say it's okay.  Far from being an excuse to sin, I see that whole exchange as God saying to religious people that we really don't get it, that whosoever means whosoever, and that if we would spend more time loving people the way Jesus did, talking to people like Jesus did, and serving people like Jesus did, God will  do what He promises through the Holy Spirit, he will begin to mold them and shape them and remove the things that need to be removed, he will bring conviction where it needs to be, and he will bring joy when that is needed, and peace where it is needed, and well you get the point.

For me putting away childish things, leaving it all behind happened when I began to realize that I don't have to do the checklists to be a Christ Follower, I don't have to build check lists for others, I don't have to try to convict someone of their sin.  It's not my job to "save" a person.

If I am willing to live Gods word in front of people, if I am willing to show who Jesus is by walking with them, sharing their pain, celebrating their successes and giving them the truth even when it isn't comfortable to do so, then I've left behind the check list christianity, the childish form of christianity that is all about the rewards that come from a life of faith and I've grown up.  I've put away the need for constant affirmation, for a much deeper more meaningful life.

Sure there are times I want to hear hey good job.  There are times that I see someone walking down a path that I know is going to lead them farther away from God than they should ever be, and in those times it's so much easier to tell them what they are doing is wrong, than it is to walk with them and live in community with them, and earn the trust that they need to have in me so that I can with Love, and compassion and grace try and help them find a way back to relationship with God that is more about being like Him than it is about getting the blessings that come from doing things the right way.

When a group of lepers came to Jesus to be healed only one came back to thank him.  Tradition tells us the one that returned was a Samaritan.  The other nine rushed off to fill in the check boxes that would let them rejoin society,  the one that came back and thanked Jesus was told to go his way.  I always looked at that as an indictment on the other nine but more and more I see something more important playing out.  We know that when Jesus came the old way of doing things was going to be removed.  The old covenant was not going to be needed, the old commandments were going to be changed to a new one.  We know this and what I see in that one guy returning and Jesus telling him to go his way, is a really neat picture of what a living moving breathing adult relationship with God is all about.  No longer do I need to seek approval from the people in charge.  I don't need to be told i'm doing okay by a pastor, or a leader of an organization.  I am now a grown up, with a grown up faith.  Grown up faith is scary.  Putting away the childish things, the checklists and rules, and regulations, means I have to deal with the hard stuff, I have to face the fact that Jesus wants more out of me.

Sure there are days that I look back and wish for the ease of a blind faith that was easy.  Then I see what happens with that kind of faith, and I watch as people are turned off from God because of that type of faith and I turn around and get on with being a grown up.

 

See ya around the blog.  As always comments are encouraged...

The Next Step...

If you are in or around the Baltimore area or know anoyone in or around the Baltimore area, this is where Locust Point Community is heading.  If not I would love some comments and thoughts...

If We Build It
Time is precious; once spent it can’t be recovered.  Trite, sure, but true nonetheless.  Locust Point Community UCC is in an exciting time, and we want you to join us for what’s next.  Better yet, we want you to tell us what’s next.  Will you give 4 hours one month to build the church you would attend? 
Jesus was an intense guy.  When he walked the earth he turned all the religious conventions on their head.  He changed the way people talked to God, how they interacted with God, and how they treated each other.  He broke down barriers, advocated for the outcast, and called the religious leaders to an accountability that they didn’t ask for or want.  Is it any wonder that they wanted to silence him? 
Religion is one of the most divisive things in our world today.  People use religion to justify discrimination, violence, and intolerance.  “Religion” is not what we want to be about at Locust Point Community.  We want to be Jesus with skin: reaching, serving, loving, caring, healing, holding people accountable, building people, tearing down walls and veils, dealing with the least, the lost, and the lonely as well as meeting with the influential, the wealthy, and the wise.  Jesus did all these things and more.  Carpenter, prophet, messiah, rabbi, teacher, high priest.  At any moment, Jesus was one of these and all of these. If we are going to be Jesus with skin, we need to be ready to take on these same roles, and while no one of us is able to fill them all like he did, as a team we can do great things.
Locust Point Community UCC has been in the neighborhood for more than a century and has no plans of going anywhere any time soon.  We recognize that just as people grow, just as the neighborhood has grown and changed throughout the years, so too do people’s understanding of what church is and what it’s meant to be.  We will continue to offer a traditional service for those that find it to be the best way to connect with God, while at the same time we recognize the need to evolve with the neighborhood.  As the Pastor of this great church, I see no reason why we can’t simultaneously honor the past, and look to the future.
So what does this mean, what’s the catch?  It’s simple, actually.  We want to welcome people who grew up in Locust Point, people who are new to the neighborhood and area, and people who are tired of a church that makes you feel like you have to have it all together, know a secret language, and get all the boxes checked before you can hope to be accepted.  We want four weeks of your time to help us design a new kind of gathering.  Four hours for one month, one hour a week we will tackle some tough questions, give you a chance to share your stories, good and bad, about church, God, and “Christians.” We’ll then consider all of these things, plus a few more, and begin to put together Locust Point’s Community Church. 
Our aim is to be a diverse group of people seeking to follow Christ, living and working in community for a common goal – to be Jesus with Skin. 

Would you come?
What would you want to see in this space?

What are we afraid of...

Sunday in church we talked about the church in Smyrna. As I prepared for the sermon something struck me that will likely come as no shock to most of the people who know me and read my blog.  Occasionally I tweet out sermon snips while I'm preparing for sermons.  I like doing it sometimes seeing a like next to a tweet or a post just perks a person up, but I also would like to engage with others and see what their thoughts are regarding some of these ideas that are pulled into conscious thought and usually work on me on different levels throughout the week and beyond.  This past Sunday and continuing into this week one of the snips that didn't see the light of day until Sunday continues to work on me.  Sunday I talked about two specific issues with the church and Christians in general.  The first was the myth of Christianity...I'm guessing it's pretty obvious why I didn't tweet that out while it was still in the brewing stages...the problem is it's still brewing and reaction to the Presidents prayer breakfast remarks has made me realize why.  I believe that by and large Christianity in the western world and specifically in the United States has become more mythological as the years have gone by.  Track with me for a moment the dictionary defines the word Myth as,a traditional story, especially one concerning the early history of a people or explaining some natural or social phenomenon, and typically involving supernatural beings or events. So what do I mean when I talk about the Myth of Christianity?

We have unprecedented freedom in the US, especially when it comes to religious freedom, anyone who says otherwise needs to check out what real persecution is, it's not that hard, head over to the Voice of the Martyrs web site and well things should suddenly become clear, if not, if you can still honestly in your heart claim persecution when someone questions your beliefs, or challenges your thoughts on marriage equality, separation of church and state, prayer in schools, the list is endless, I have no words.  Along with that unprecedented freedom seems to have come an unwillingness to admit to the atrocities practiced in the name of Christ.

Lets see.

1.  The Crusades.  They happened people killed people in the name of Christ.  Why we are afraid to admit this, why we refuse to own this atrocious past, no matter how we spin it it's true.  People perpetuated violence in the name of Christ, misguided, sure,  bad interpretation of scripture, obviously, done by some with "good intentions," possibly.  Still wrong yes, still evil, yes.  We need to own it, not spin it.

2.  Oppression and Slavery.  Like it or not people in our country have slapped the name Christian and Jesus on all sorts of bigotry, still do as a matter of fact.  Our refusal to acknowledge this, or our willingness to sweep it under the rug because it's embarrassing doesn't mean it didn't and unfortunately doesn't still happen.

3.  Misinterpretation: One of the arguments many Muslims use when they condemn people who share their faith who perpetuate violence and terrorism has been that the extremists do not speak for or properly interpret the Koran.  Of course we know that misinterpretation and extremist groups are relegated to the Muslim faith only...right?  There are no extremist Christians?  No one in our country or others that uses scripture out of context to justify their behavior...no never happens in Christianity, just in other religions.

I don't understand my more right wing friends need to tear into the President publicly over remarks that were made at the prayer breakfast.  What are Christians afraid of?

John 8:31-59 offers some interesting thoughts into this idea, at least to me it does.  We have a group of religious leaders who are used to not being questioned, used to not being challenged.  The parallels are great, they use rhetoric and long held tradition, or at least long held traditional thought to justify their action, or inaction on various issues.  Jesus calls them on it, tells them the truth is important and needs to be embraced, accepted and dealt with.  We don't want to do this because it means we may have to change our minds on what it really means to be a Christ follower.  We may have to change our reaction to being offended, misunderstood, or called out for hypocrisy.  Change is never easy, and many times facing the missteps, and sins of the past can be downright uncomfortable, but it still has to be done.  If we as Christ followers have any hope of being relevant, and a bridge to a relationship with God to others, then it's time we stop acting like we are above it all, that our sins of commission and omission are mistakes that should be overlooked.  We need to be able to look at the statement that President Obama made

"And lest we get on our high horse and think this is unique to some other place, remember that during the Crusades and the Inquisition, people committed terrible deeds in the name of Christ.  In our home country, slavery and Jim Crow all too often was justified in the name of Christ."

The statement stands, it's true, it's accurate, yet "important" Christian leaders have decided that this true statement doesn't fit with their understanding of American Christianity.  It's like we are afraid of our past, afraid that people will see us and turn us into our sin...This isn't fun, it's not easy or comfortable but if we believe what Jesus says in  John 8:32 (New Living Translation, Second Edition)
^{8:32 (NLT)}  And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

The truth is that following Christ is hard, it takes time, effort, dedication, and humility.  I wish American Christians would embrace the grace, love and forgiveness of God, that they would let him into the places in the institution that have been locked up for decades, let him come into the uncomfortable spots, the places that we have misinterpreted scripture, that we have used it as a club to beat people out of the light and love of Christ and do the work that must happen.

My observation... we're great at specks of dirt, but blind to planks of wood.

Faithful are the wounds...but what if there's no one to wound you...

Recently one of the best and most influential professors from my college career passed away.  What makes it difficult is how hard it is for us to realize how important and special people are when we are around them on a regular basis.  If 41-year-old Aaron, could go back and have a chat with 18 to 20-year-old Aaron he would tell him to appreciate his professors more, to let them know that they were important and appreciated.

This past year has seen several of my college professors pass on to their great and as far as I'm concerned well deserved reward and rest.  When I read that Dr. Dusing had passed, I was sad, mainly at my failure to recognize and at least thank the men and women who had an impact on my life at a young age, and whose lessons are just now being realized.

I'm blessed to have a couple of the professors of my youth as friends on Facebook.  Recently the professor that I would have to say was my favorite at SEC, posted the eulogy he wrote for his friend, as my ADD ran wild during sermon prep for Sunday, i read the document shared with those of us who cared to read it.  I will admit to a tear in the eye as I read the love and respect and deep friendship that he shared.  Dr. Fettke, thank you for sharing something so personal.  Know that I appreciate you and the work, dedication, and calling you have continued to answer throughout the life God gave you.

Now to the not so great part of this blog.  The pity party part of the equation, along with the emotion and admiration, I felt very keenly a deep sense of jealousy.  Jealousy for a friendship like the one described, spanning decades, full of mutual respect, willingness to say what needed to be said, gracious, loving.  I want this, but don't have it, and I have to wonder...

The problems we Gen Xr's have are myriad and have been written on, discussed, studied and debated for years.  To some we're angsty, mistrusting, slackers who don't get it.  Our personalities punctuated by dark humor, deep sarcasm, and an inability to see the bright side.  Our music punctuated with angry guitar licks, foreboding lyrics, and anti-establishment rhetoric, and while I love listening to Nirvana, Pearl Jam and the Chilli Peppers, there is more to us.  I just think that we don't know how to have long-term friendships.  We want them, we know on paper what it takes to maintain a friendship, we know but we don't KNOW if that makes sense.

We used to have friends.  People who we could call, people we knew would be around no matter what.  We used to have people we hung out with, we called, we would travel across states to be with to talk to, to hang out with, to encourage or to gain encouragement from, but they are all gone.  For some reason the connections failed, which is funny when you think about it.  We now have the ability to connect with anyone, anywhere in the world.  Distance doesn't need to be an issue, we can even play together if we are so inclined on the console or computer of our choice.  We can be super social, share pins, use Instagram to keep up to date real-time on vacations, food, family, the list is endless as far as the pictures we can share in a second.  All of this is just another condemnation of my own inability to stay connected, to have friends that count.

When I finished reading Dr. Fettke's eulogy of his friend, I told J I was sad, because I don't have anyone that I could write a eulogy for and that would write one for me as full of connection as that one was.  It's sad and pathetic, and wrong, but equally troubling is the fact that I don't know how to fix the problem.  So much water has gone under the bridges of past friendships, my life has changed, my faith has evolved, my priorities have shifted, I feel hurt and angry at the people I was close to because they don't reach out to connect, but I'm no better, I don't reach to connect either.  Making new friends is equally daunting, I want to do it, but always hold back, because they won't be around in 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years.  The result, I have acquaintances, people I'm fond of, people I like, people I even call friend, but they aren't eulogy friends.

This all came screaming to the front of my brain and out of my finger tips after a particularly rough day.  I got home walked the dog, unbuttoned my shirt, kicked off my shoes, and wanted to connect, to vent, to have someone listen.  I ended up tweeting a guy who knows of me, knows the challenges we face in our ministry, because he has lived through similar, but who lives in Canada, ministers in Canada, writes books, and speaks at conferences.  He tweeted me back, which was cool said he was sorry to hear it.  Real interaction, much appreciated, but sad because I feel closer to a successful author and pastor of a church in a different country than I do with anyone within 50 miles of me.  I'm not sure what I expected from the tweet, but I sucked up the response like it was water and I had been in the Mojave for three days.

Vocational ministry is one of the loneliest professions around.  Add to that the job description of lead pastor or senior pastor or only pastor or whatever you want to call it, and it's even lonelier.  Every service is an evaluation, and the self-evaluation is always much harsher than any you receive from members.    Every book you read, every conference you attend speaks to the importance of developing a network of ministers to talk to, to spend time with, to be accountable to.  Ministers need friends that are in the business because they understand the issues, and they need friends outside the business that treat them like one of the guys or girls.  We know this, we crave this, but it's not easy.  I know this I crave this, but I don't know HOW to do it.

We went to Ohio for Christmas and while I was walking the dog in our old neighborhood I realized something.   The first day I walked down to the park I thought how great it would be to move back, we own a house, there's a great park for the dog etc.  I miss this I thought.  As the day's wore on though I realized something.  I don't miss Ohio, I don't miss the Park or the House,  I miss the relationships that defined that time in our lives.  I miss my contentedness to friends that I'm no longer connected too.

Am I to blame in all of this, sure.  Can it be fixed?  I don't like to ask myself that question, because I'm pretty sure I know the answer and well it's not a great one.

I'm almost a hundred percent sure we aren't alone,  I'm sure J and I are one of many who feel the same way.   Maybe we should start a support group... lol

See you around the Blog...