Projects, Plans and God

It is hard to believe but we are going into 2 years away from regular ministry.  Sure I’m doing the childrents ministry coordinator thing, and while it is ministry my heart is not in it.  I love the kids and the people but it’s not who I am. 

I have been praying for a while now about what to do, and where to go.  We are looking at a change coming soon and so I want to know what that change will be, enter an old friend.

They want to mother a church in a college town in WV.  J and I have both said that I will not be a staff pastor any more.  It’s time to move on in some way and I have great ideas and ways of reaching a generation for Christ.  The real problem is the fear factor in all of it. 

I want to be open and I believe that God brings people and places into our lives in such a way that we can and will be able to see clearly what he wants.  I don’t for a minute believe anything happens by chance.  When this friend of mine and I connected again I had no idea what could be coming.  Now I wonder if it’s time to try something totally different, totally new.  I want to be in Gods will and I want to step but I am afraid. 

The past is a specter that looms large.  God has changed me a lot and I am a different person, at the same time will others see that.  I believe I can do this and succeed at it, the question remains will people from before believe I can or will they say it will never work, and does it really matter?

What a bummer

I really hate it when my plans get changed, or are messed up.  This weekend was one of those times.  First the snow.  We went to Western MD for a family Christmas party.  I was supposed to leave after the party so that I could be back for work on Sunday.  Saturday morning dawned with snow, now that’s normally an okay thing especially when it is only supposed to be two inches of snow.  Yes well seven to eight inches of snow later and loads of ice on the roads it became apparent that not only would the party we went for have to be canceled or moved but I would not be able to leave to get home for work.  I needed to be there we HAVE to practice. 

It continued to get worse as we went on to have the dinner and it was a bit of a bust. 

The only redeeming factor was playing rock band Saturday night.

Anyway I am hoping that Christmas will be great we are really working on making sure things are not just fun but that they are memorable.

It is the curse of all mankind that the polar twins should be constantly struggling.

 

Several years ago J and I were able to go and see Jekyl and Hyde with the original cast.  It was great.  The title for this blog comes from there.  I love the story of Hyde.  A man who realizes the good and the bad that resides in all of us and takes steps to exorcise the evil from mankind.

Ultimately he fails because he relies too much on himself and his ingenuity.  Gee does that sound familiar.  This is the problem with most of us, me included.  Dr Jekyll fails, but at least he tried.  He left out a few important things.  He left out God, he left out a support system, he left out the woman that he loved.  He tried so hard and that trying was admirable but he failed. 

I do the same thing,  I think most do, especially when we are people who have been in some form of religious leadership.  We get it in our heads that the message that we preach is for others but we don’t get the same dispensation.  I am amazed at how this works.  We feel like we have to give and give and give and getting or accepting our faults and help is not something anyone wants us to do. I am making a concerted effort to accept mine, to accept help to offer help all those things.  Sometimes I fail still, but I am better for realizing that people don’t want unreachable saints that they have to try and be like,  they want touchable reachable, dare I say struggling leaders who recognize their own shortcomings and are willing to say “Hey I need help too.” 

I just wish I had realized this three years ago.  It’s amazing what it takes for some of us to learn.  Still if we learn it then apply it we may fall down but we can recognize the fall and ask for the help that we need.

Dusting it off

It’s been almost a full month since my last post.  So much has been going on but I have not been keeping up with this and have let it slide way way to far down the totem pole.  

We will be heading out for Thanksgiving. I can’t wait for that just to get away and enjoy being home.  I hope we can enjoy being home.

Z says when my hair grows in it’s skinny hair.  Which is why I don’t grow it in.

Finally I got an A in my last class, that 2 a’s.

I’ll work on being better at this in the coming weeks.

long time coming

It's been a while I know I know I need to do more on here, still that's been difficult.  Here's the problem, I am now going to school, Working at Rising Hope, Job coaching and doing kids and family stuff.

This week however something happened to remind me about God and the place that He once held in my decision making process.  Don't get all spiritual on me please God reminds me of what I have.

While the past year has pretty much sucked dirt in the Newell house God reminds me what we have how much we have.  This week our custodian at the church was burned out of his home, on top of that today at our Kids Rock Kick Off a father brought his kids over and when one of my childcare workers asked for an address and such he said that he didn't know the address that he was living across the street in the motel.

Wow are we blessed.

So much to blog So much forgotten

Over the past week or so there have been moments that I really thought of some great blogs.  I would hear my kids say something and would think wow I need to blog that.  Then I would tell myself that I'll remember it myself.  And inevitably I didn't remember anything.  Amberly said some cool stuff, Zoey did too but I can't remember it.  I even thought of some great stuff but I can't for the life of me remember what it was.  This discourse of course leads me to wonder.  How important is the stuff that we think is important.  How much of what we just have to remember or have to think about or have to devote time to really matters?

Fear and Loathing In VA

Sounds like a strange title for a blog, but bear with me.
I have been afraid of church and have been loathing the old Aaron for a while. Getting over it has been hard and I have begun to but there are times when memories rush in and I cry about the past and what I was and where I would be that kind of thing. I have been editing my facebook page, not getting rid of people but hiding them and such because there really is no point.
When I took this part time thing in VA it was a big step. I admit that Tuesday meetings are hard mainly because it's the same day and sitting in a meeting and doing church stuff is a big reminder. The thing is I'm starting to love the people more than i intended, I'm wanting to do more than is required. I am wanting to jump in all the way not just with both feet but I'm really wanting to go to the spring board take a few jumps and then do a big ol cannonball into it.
This is where the fear and loathing come in. I just can't. I keep reminding myself not to not to get attached not to get into deep relationship to keep it a job. I loath myself for that and fear for myself because that is not a good way to do things but i can't seem to bring myself to do what my heart longs to do.

It's just like Paul says the thing i want to do I dont and the things I dont want to do I run to.