What's He Really Mean?

I am constantly amazed at what I read from friends and acquaintances across the internet, equally troublesome is what I read and hear professional christians say or write or tweet. 

It's no secret if you know me, or read my blog that I have some pretty serious issues with the christianity of my youth.  (By the way at 40 I put the christianity of my youth between the ages of 16 and 26.) Anyway, growing up in that tradition was easy in some ways, I am right and you are wrong, is a simpler faith to have and makes it easy to pass judgement on people of power who fell, easy to say those rules aply to others but I'm different.  It's equally easy for people like me on the other side now to lump everyone from that particular branch of christianity into one big boat full of un-caring, un-loving bigots.  Neither side is right.

Still as usually happens on both sides of this fight the idiots are the most vocal.  I figured I may as well add my voice to the mix, and possibly come out as a much more moderate person than some would think.

There is a disturbing trend in the church today, the need to advertise how welcoming they are.  This makes no sense to me. A church having to tell people that they are welcome no matter what is sad! Of course there is a reason for this predicament especially in the churches and christianity I grew up in, it is sadly still in those churches today, the idea that the only way people can really belong in the congregation is if they dress,  talk,  look like and believe like they should,  the kicker being who gets to choose what they should means. 

Jesus didn't opperate that way,  at least not that I can tell.

The real issue,  as I see it,  is who gets to make the rules.  Who dictates what sin is,  what being a Christ Follower looks like?  I think most of the people in authority in churches would be shocked,  angry, bitter and resentful of who Jesus would hang out with,  who he would let in the doors, who he would say made it,  and who he  would say see ya later too.

Jn 8:7
They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”
(NLTse)

This coupled with other pictures of Jesus eating with sinners,  calling the least likely to be his closest disciples and friends,  and a rather constant rebuke of the religious leaders of the day,  points to a very different type of christianity than is evidenced in any number of churches on any given Sunday,  or Saturday,  or whatever day that church chooses to worship.

Why does the evangelical church take it upon themselves to bring the sinner to the crowd. To tell people how to act,  to want them to dress, talk, and act a certain way to prove they are worthy of Jesus,  love, grace, and mercy?

If Jesus was constantly questioning the motives of the religious leaders of his day,  what makes us think he would pat us on the back and say hey,  you're doing great,  keep being exclusive,  keep judging others,  keep telling people they have to be more like you before they can have a prayer of being anything like me. 

I don't know,  I guess I want a church that is open and inclusive of all,  because if I read it right its His desire that all come to repentance,  that all have a relationship with him.  My job as I see it is to tell people the truth of God's word and let him do the rest.

Jesus didn't tell the leaders they were wrong,  he didn't change the deffinition of sin,  he simply loved and wept and then gave all…

Hey Four Oh

28 years ago give or take a year or two in either direction, my mom turned 40. I remember my friends Dan and Steve Tickerhoof and I really having fun with this. For some reason it struck us as something to really pick on her for. When we wanted her we would say "Hey Four Oh." We would say "What do you need Four Oh?" It was all sorts of fun to pick on my my mom for turning 40. She took it all in stride, I mean sure there were times that she would respond, just the way we wanted her too, but the bottom line is she was a good sport.

So here I sit, having turned 40 myself, started down this path of healthy eating, and exercise, and having three daughters between the ages of 11 and 2, and well I am realizing more and more that 40 doesn't look the same on this side of the number as it did back then. I don't feel 40, not that I really know what 40 feels like, I know that I thought I would be in a different place at 40 than I am, and that may still happen. Things have a way of changing and moving and morphing all around you, especially when you are really looking for what God wants in your life. The funny thing is as I sit typing this and Jo watches one episode of this kitty show she watches, I can't help but think about what I do.

Most of my days find me out in Leisure world, I sometimes call it OldsVille. The thing that amazes me about the people out there that I work with is that breath of age that is there, also the differences in activity level. Some of the customers don't do much of anything, some of them are extremely active, some of them run 5 K's at 80 plus and play in tennis tournaments, others can barely move. They very in age from 50 something to 94. They all have one thing in common. They are trying to stay current, even if the technology they have is older than Amberly (my oldest daughter.) Which brings me to the final piece of this coming of age story...

At 40 we are on the edge of something new, sure it has some of the same things we have done, but this time the buck would stop with us as it were. I'm excited at the prospect but at the same time the waiting is annoying, and the prospect is daunting. We are also keeping details away from everyone except ourselves, mainly because we are going to wait to see what happens. Still standing on the edge of this and realizing the potential, and the work involved I can't help but think about being 40 and starting something new.

I guess it's almost like there has been this great preparing going in our lives. Recently we have been reading the story of Joseph in our family time. J has said before that sometimes she wishes I could look at things like Joseph did. I usually tend to identify with people who screwed up but God still was able to use them. She sees me as something and someone more, which in and of itself is pretty cool. We both are somewhat fascinated with Joseph, mainly because of the attitude he had throughout all the things that happened to him. Sure he made mistakes, dreamers usually do, and it usually ends up with other people not understanding them, or they come off as arrogant or un-interested in the people around them, but Joseph gets that worked out of his system. Sure it takes being thrown in a pit, sold as a slave, accusations of rape, time in prison, and being forgotten by the guy who promised he would help Joseph out, but those things did more for Joseph than any doting father could do.

The part of the narrative that strikes me the most is this one;

"Then he kissed all of his brothers one by one, cried on their shoulders as well, and after that they talked for a time together. Gen 45:15 (The Voice)

I would love to have this attitude. I pray that God will work it into my life, of course that may or may not work out all the time. I mean Hey I'm forty and an argument could be made that all the stuff that was happening to Joseph was happening when he was in is 20's and 30's. Younger you know, easier to mold and shape...Nah I don't really think that way. I think that Joseph had tons of times when he was angry, bitter, and wanted revenge. I think that there were days sitting in his cell that he thought of all the ways he could get back at his brothers. I'm pretty sure there were days when he yelled at God, decided to not follow him any more, cried, and then came back weeping wanting to feel that closeness that he thought was gone, because let's face it when we humans decide to be angry and bitter, and to walk away from God we make the mistake of placing God in the same category that we are in and we assume that he has either stayed right where we left him, or he has walked away too...

I think some of the little tests that Joseph put to his brothers were not just tests to see if they really had changed, I think in the back of his mind he was enjoying watching them squirm. It's a human thing and there's no way that he didn't sort of enjoy the process of the whole thing, and yet he still loved them, and he still hugged all of them, even though they had treated him so porly. I believe that the reason that he was able to do that is because of not in spite of the hardships he suffered. I think that there were things God had to work into Josephs life and those things would not be able to be added to the mix as long as he lived the of the favorite, privileged son

So here we sit at 40, three awesome kids, likely about to embark on a new and different adventure, that may not be seem new to you, but that to us is a whole new place of living and moving and having our being in Christ.

More to come...

Chiming In

I would have to say about a week or so ago, a friend of mine posted a question on Facebook. It had to do with kids and how you handle them when you are married.

The comments were varied, and sounded great. I even heartily agreed with some of them..but. Of course there is always a but when I write but this time I have to say but because while many of the ideas and ways to handle your children were exactly what you should do. Reality must be acknowledged.

I like the idea of telling kids that there are boundaries, I agree with the principle of putting your spouse first. It's true that a healthy family is one that has love, nurturing, discipline. Kids need to know that they are not the only person in the world, that there are times when they have to not get what they want. Kids should understand that mommy and daddy need time together too. Telling a child no should be the end of it.

All of the things that people wrote and commented were true...in theory.

Any real study of this issue, has to have a few things at it's core. Before we can answer the question of how a family maintains balance, how a husband and wife keep things fresh, and all that stuff.

The first thing to figure out...Why did you have the kids anyway. I know that this seems like a strange place to start when it comes to figuring out how to keep the balance right in all family relationships, but lets sit down and be honest here. We have children because we are selfish, full of ourselves or a mixture of both. We are looking for someone who has to love us that can provide more than a puppy, we want the world to have more of us, we are looking for a bit of immortality. We also think we have something to give a child, we have so much love, so much intelligence so much to offer a child we would be denying the world our progeny and we would be denying someone the opportunity to benefit from our vast knowledge, love, and expertise.

Now that we realize why we have kids, and believe me those are, deep down the reason most people have kids oh wait I forgot to add the ever popular to see if I can, or to prove I am something, but those fall under selfish.

Now that we realize the reasons we can answer the how's of my buddies question. Sometimes you don't. Sometimes you don't balance things right, sometimes you don't put your spouse first, sometimes the kids win, and why shouldn't they. They are kids. They are by very nature going to suck up large sections of your time, energy and love. They should they are kids. I think it's unrealistic to expect a 2 year old or a 7 year old or even an 11 year old, to "give me mommy and daddy our space." They are kids. They have needs that far outweigh our own.

This doesn't mean that we neglect our spouse, it doesn't mean that we can have a pass to not communicate with them, and it doesn't mean that we can just decide that intimacy in any form will just have to take a back seat till the teen years, on the contrary the amount of time and attention that children require, and deserve makes those things all the more important, all the more precious, and all the more cherished. I know that I don't always get the time I want with my wife, I know she doesn't always get the time that she wants with me, we don't always get to have the deep conversations that we would like to. There are day's that we both fall into bed exhausted, look at each other and fall right to sleep. There are days that we have to remind each other why we had children in the first place...another selfish thing on our part because on those days we are thinking of all the time we used to have, the time we had no clue what to do with so we thought adding a child to the mix would be fun and of course all that other we have so much to give mess. There are days that we would like to just throw in the towel and let them fend for themselves...then one of them cries, or calls or needs and we get up and are there for them, even if we were in the middle of a conversation, even if we are in the middle of mommy and daddy time, no matter what they come first, but I digress. See the times that we do get together, the times we can sneak away, the nights when we are driving a long distance and the kids are asleep in the car and we can talk are awesome. The other night Jo was awake and making noise, I went over to get her to rock her to see she was okay, J had fallen asleep, it was one of those nights when the street light came through the window at just the right angle and I saw the most beautiful thing in my world covered by the sheet and I just smiled and looked at her for a while, (for the record she thinks it's creepy when I watch her sleep) I realized that I was blessed with a wife that would stick with me for all the reasons she should and through all the reasons she shouldn't. My wife is beautiful, and intelligent and always has my back. She thinks about me first even when she has to put the kids first. That is what counts.

I may not be first all the time, she may not be first all the time because reality dictates that with three children that's just not possible, but I am her first thought and she is mine. In the morning I think of how lucky I am to get to sleep next to this beautiful creature, how cool it is that she gets me, how awesome it is to feel her support, how much she gives to me even if she can't give me what she wants to. I hope she feels the same way when she thinks about me.

It comes down to this: When I was a child, I spoke, thought, and reasoned in childlike ways as we all do. But when I became a man, I left my childish ways behind. (1 Cor. 12:11 The Voice) Children haven't put away the needs, they still have to come into our bed at night, they still need to be held they still need to be hugged during the day, they will talk over you they will make noises that drive you pretty close to insanity, and that's all part of thinking and speaking and reasoning like a child. As parents it's our job to help them through those times, it's our job to mold them, to train them up and then let them go.

The thing is, we have them for 18 years. We've been married for 19, the time went so fast, one moment we were newlyweds, and the next moment we were not, and if what I am seeing is true, one moment we have kids and the next moment we won't, so yeah they get the majority of our attention, and yeah sometimes I get a little jealous, and sure we don't get as much sleep as we would like, but we chose this, and I can say without reservation, that it was the best choice of our lives.

So there's my 2 cents. Kids suck up all of your time, energy and love, but they give it back to you, and well I'm able to be content in being first in her thoughts, and even with all the selfish reasons for having them, I pray that they grow to share their light and life and love with the world, I want them to be Jesus to people. I want them to know that they are important and special, and that they can live and move and have their being in someone that made them for all the right reasons. We may have kids for selfish reasons, but he gives us kids for our good and his glory, after all how else are we supposed to learn how to approach God?

The Aftermath

Yesterday saw the aftermath of the 2013 VMAS.  Forget that fact that you would be lucky to actually find a music video on MTV any more. The awards show was yet again a place for all kinds of behavior good, bad, ugly, and puzzling.

I like many of my friends, couldn’t look away when watching Hannah Montana frolic, no cavort  across the stage  in such a disturbing manner, more entertaining were audience members reactions, just Google audience reaction to Miley Cyrus VMA and you’ll see what I mean.

While I wanted to give the girl some clothes, that had to be the ugliest teddy bear whatever it was I have seen, and the plastic underwear that turned her into any one of the Barbie's that litters my house on any given day in a state of undress ( I have three daughters) was about as sexy as, well yeah one of those Barbie's, shoot one of them had it’s head popped off and I consistently have to pop it back on many times, that poor doll looks like the victim of some tragic accident that rendered her neck-less. 

Which brings me to last night.  Was this Miley’s tragic head popping accident, or was it something totally different?  I think some of us, especially those of us that are old enough to have kids that rode the Hanna Montana train for a while, are having a hard time with this because of what it may mean for our kids…

See the first problem is her name is Miley, not Hannah,  somewhere in the past 5 years we have swapped the ideal Disney world of uber-talented kids, with loads of disposable income and parents that at times may appear bumbling but in the end know best for the reality of the middle class family.  Now where this can be excused in our kids, yea not so much for us, but somehow we have done it, evidenced by the fact that the first thing that came to mind was…I can’t believe Hanna Montana is doing this…

Second problem she’s 20, remember when you were 20, ever look back at when you were 20 and wonder what was I thinking, what was I doing? why did I get this?  At 20 we are invincible, full of ideas, and ready to show the world…so while what she did was really in poor taste, and how she did it was just jaw dropping she did what every 20 year old does, made a decision based on the moment and the shock value instead of taking a long hard look at it and saying” hmmm I wonder if this huge dragon tattoo starting on my neck and spiraling all the way down my arms with the tail ending on the bottom of my big left toe could effect my prospects for happiness and financial security in the future.”  I mean come on I’m going to be 40 in 13 days and I still do things at my parents house just for the shock value. 

Here’s the thing. 

When I was a child, I spoke, thought, and reasoned in childlike ways as we all do. But when I became a man, I left my childish ways behind.  1 Cor. 13:11 (Voice)

The author is reminding us what it is supposed to be we are not supposed to stay stuck at an age, we are supposed to grow up we are supposed to change we are supposed to mature.  I wonder how difficult it is for Hannah Montana to grow up when so much of her life is preserved in the Disney Vault (anyone else find that creepy, Disney has a vault) she’s stuck at that age.  It must become all important to totally break that image to shatter it beyond recognition so that you can move on. 

Don’t get me wrong I don’t think that Miley’s way of dealing with it, her way of breaking that image was the best, but again that can also be part of growing up, part of putting away childish things, which is so much more than Barbie Dolls or GI Joe’s.  It takes time to put away the need to be shocking, or trendy, or whatever it is that humans so readily want to identify with.

The video I saw last night was shocking but also sad, if you can stomach it look again, don’t look at the clothes look at the body language, look at the tongue hanging out the whole thing became painful to watch mainly because as a dad of three girls one of which hit middle school this week, I see more than so many others saw.  I saw a girl desperately wanting to get away from her past, needing to be seen as an adult, needing to be validated by the big kids, wanting to be accepted into the adult world, needing to leave Hannah Montana behind.  Trying to put away childish things, only to find that it’s harder than it looks…

Where there better ways to do it, to break ties with her past, to step into the arena of adulthood of course, but lets face it, we all have our Miley Cyrus moments, we’re just lucky enough to not have them televised for the world to see, and tweet…

Feet on the Dashboard

it’s hard for me to grasp the fact that I have had feet on the dashboard for 19 years.  I have to say that those feet are very important to me, they represent the best parts of my life, and arguably the best part of my life to date. 

Don’t get me wrong, all three of my children are monumental additions to my life.  I have no clue what I would do without the girls, but they pale in comparison to those feet on my dashboard. 

Yesterday driving home from my parents house we talked about life and possibilities, brainstormed for a possibility, and drove home a different way all together, one that believe it or not seemed at least to take less time than I thought it would. 

Those feet have traveled a lot of miles with me in tow, actually that should be the other way around, those feet have always been a huge supporter of Aaron.  I know I’m not really worthy of those feet, there are countless men much better deserving than I am of having those feet grace their dashboards, but I have said it before and I’ll say it again,  I won. 

Every time I look at those feet, usually with painted toes, sometimes, and here I’ll admit not nearly enough, by me I get this huge sense of wow in the center of my being. 

Our lives have been so turned around in the past five years.  There is so much that has happened, good and bad and good again. The fact that those feet are still there is a miracle in and of itself for more reasons than one.  I know if the door opens that those feet will follow me through it. 

That my friends makes me the most blessed man in the world.

Itching Ears…

2 Timothy 4:3 (MSG)
³ You're going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching, but will fill up on spiritual junk food—catchy opinions that tickle their fancy.

I have always wondered at this verse, not that it’s that difficult to understand really.  Everyone needs a good yes man or woman in their life. You know what I mean the person that always agrees with you always tells you what you want to hear.

The thing about yes men and women is they aren’t really being honest.  For whatever reason they don’t want to offend, or hurt, or fill in the word that you need. 

Most Evangelicals use this verse to point fingers at people that don’t teach or believe the way they think they should.  They use it to prove their point, or to show how they are so much more spiritual than others, they use it to justify bigotry, and hatred, they use it to keep people that don’t fit their picture of a good christian away. 

Don’t get me wrong,  I believe what the Bible says,  I believe that there are standards, Godly standards, that Christ followers need to be working on.  It’s part of the idea of walking daily in our faith.  It’s part of the work that goes into our salvation.  As we spend time in God’s word, and as we talk to him regularly, as we shut up for a while and listen, actually listen to what he is trying to say to us.  We will make the changes that are ultimately for our good and his glory. 

What I’m trying to get at is this.  I have watched and listened and read many right wing evangelicals lately.  I find a disturbing trend.  Many of them, some of my friends even seem to be looking for other people who will tell them what they want to hear, the real bothersome thing though is pastors are willing to be the yes man or woman that they are looking for. 

The church today, especially the evangelical church, especially the conservative evangelical church, has taken up the cry of the oppressed, victimized, embattled oppressed standard bearer.  The disappointing thing is historically the church has been on the other side of things, and in many cases, not all but many they still practice the same thing toward the very people they are supposed to reach. 

At some point in the last 20 years the cannon of scripture in the evangelical church has been expanded to include select portions of the constitution, and the 1954 revision of the pledge of allegiance, and here is where the vast majority of today’s evangelical leaders start scratching at peoples ears. 

Be it the right to bare arms, homosexuality, universal health care, taxes, eschatology, social welfare, justice, grace, forgiveness, or the death penalty, name it they will tell the people looking for their side to be justified what they want to hear.

I have been running every other day, and on those runs I’ve been doing a lot of talking and a lot of listening,  I have come to a question.  On any given Sunday or Saturday or whatever day where would Jesus choose to worship, that is the church that I want to be part of, that is the church that I want to lead.  I don’t want to be a pastor that scratches peoples ears, I want to lead a church that reaches up to God in worship, reaches in to the body to train and equip, and reaches out to the community with love, compassion, and openness.  I have no clue where to begin, or even if this is a viable thing.  I just know that I need to know the next steps.

Getting up… over and over and over...

I have to wonder when you just finally stop getting up. I'm at this point in my life where I am finding it harder and harder to get up from the things that make me feel like a failure. The thing about being almost 40 with a calling and a life that has been full of successess and failures is that the failures tend to be focused on more than the successes. I find myself playing not the what if game, but the if only game. If only I had, If only I was, If only I haden't. The endings to those beginnings, are the thing that drags me down.

So much of what we do is based on choice.  Life hinges on the choices that we make,  make good choices and well theoretically goood things happen,  make bad ones and it would follow that crappy things happen.  I guess for the most part this can be born out.  Behavior is a choice,  what we wear is a choice who we talk to who we make friends with,  who we pretend to make friends with.  Choices.  I believe that belief is a choice,  even if its a subconscious one.  In most churches a big deal is made about the fact that humans are special because they were created and given the ability to accept or reject God,  that somehow the angels are sub par to humans because we have a free will.  The issue that I have is there was a time according to scritpture where there was another set of circumstances,  where the angels made a choice… so are we really all that special.  That story had an unhappy ending for some of them and if I read it right humanities story is on the way to a similar ending,  those who choose to accept the sacrifice made by Jesus and make it a part of their core have a very different set of things to look forward to than those who… well don't accept that sacrifice. 

I believe that lifestyle is a choice,  I believe that we can choose to be more like Jesus… unfortunatly for most of us we have replace Jesus with jesus.  See Jesus is the guy that walked around with 12 of his friends for three and a half years.  He healed people,  ate with people he wasn't supposed to,  drank wine talked about the need for social welfare,  doing good even when it went contrary to the letter of the law. He held church leaders to the light exposing their hypocrisy picked a lying cheating thieving tax collector to have dinner with,  threw the entrepenures and free market economists out of the church,  talked to prostitutes,  adulturers,  thieves,  murderers and the people everyone else discounted or called unclean with love and compassion.  Then there's jesus,  you know the one I mean,  politcal activist jesus,  republican jesus,  the one who wants us to have our best life now,  that plays golf with George W and appears on Rush to talk about how we need to secure our boarders and take democracy to the world and get our conceal carry permits because its our right and responsibility to protect whats ours. 

Finally I believe that I have a choice and quite frankly that choice… to get back up after being told no over and over and over again is just getting harder and harder to make…

Let's face it who wants a washed out broken damaged pastor to lead any ministry in any church…

So much rings hollow and that makes it all the worse.  I only pray that if God opens a door at some point I will remember that grace,  mercy,  forgiveness and love are not reserved just for the sinner and are not mutuallly exclusive to the saint.., they are for everyone,  weather I think they deserve it or not.