Anyway there are things that people do to help remember the good things, to bring positive things in their minds, or to help just move forward. Equally there are some things that I'm doing just to not get too deep into my head. Things that I do so that I can function.
Finally there are things that we do to try and move into something that resembles fun. I'm not sure I can say fun yet, but I do know that fun is something that we hope to once again have.
One of the things that I was not sure how it was going to work, was going back to preaching an yet somehow it's working. I'm sure that has more to do with God than it does with me but I'm also sure that the willingness to do it matters and well I am still living that Lego Christian principle even if it feels like I've been stepping on Lego's barefoot in the dark lately. People have been gracious at the church even as I'm not sure in myself of the sermons. It's interesting how the process has shifted a bit. I find more wrestling happening than before, likely because I still have to reconcile some things that I don't and will never understand, answers to questions that I ask of God in the quiet of nighttime or early morning when I'm the most raw. What I'm realizing more than ever is that, it's not a bad thing that I'm doing this. It's better to wrestle with that than it is to pretend I'm not.
So that's one of the things I'm doing.
At one point I really wanted a bike. When we moved back to Ohio I was looking at them on a regular basis, wondering what it would be to have one, trying to figure it all out, deciding if I wanted to go for the whole license thing. From there I started looking at slingshots, a bit more versatile and no special endorsement needed. One thing that happens when something like this happens is it changes some of your prespective on things. Long story short I shifted on some of those things. Something that is fun, has potential to be a cool way to remember and to just have a good time with more than just one or two people, which brings us to Lucielle a 57 Pontiac Star Chief that will soon be rumbling, and yes I said rumbling because wow she sounds really great when I start her up, down the roads of Youngstown. I am really excited about this project, from getting the floor pans in to buffing it out and that first drive down the road.
Then there is one last thing that has been in the works for the last 10 weeks or so that was started yesterday. It's not finished yet, but I'm really excited about it and looking forward to when it is, at which point I will share it with the world. It took time and thought and well it is just one of those things that's totally for me. I know that may sound selfish but oh well. They way I look at it returning to the church is for all of us, Lucielle is for the family, but this thing is all mine.
Here is a peek at what's to come.
There is of course more and putting that here is kinda a stark reminder but I'll show you more as soon as this one thing is done.
But why, why am I doing this and these other things.
I think it has to do with moving forward and having life with different things. The thing is life will never go back to what it was that is just a given and I know that. We don't have a clue how to do some parts of life still. There are days that just don't add up, that we don't see a way to inch forward, and then there are days that we function, usually with the list of things we set out to do, and in those moments we tend to come to realize that we will move ahead and we will have good days and we will have bad days and that's the way life will work.
The way I look at it, life is work. A lot of work. It has always been that way, we have to do the things that we do to live and move and have something happen. We have to work on ourselves, work on our faith, work on our relationships. It is that work that is life. Not the breathing we do while we work but the work itself. It stands to reason then that getting through this thing that we are having to get through is going to be work as well. Even if it's things like I've laid out. It's the work that lets us have a way forward.
If life is work then this verse has more meaning than I used to think. In fact this whole thing is making me realize the truth about this verse.
Phil. 2:12 Therefore, my dear friends,a just as you have always obeyed,b so now, not only in my presence but even more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
Working out our salvation is a life long job. Of all the work we do this is the most important, but the thing that I'm realizing, in working out that salvation all these other things tend to work better. In working on my salvation daily, I'm leaning into my relationship with the creator of all things, and slowly figuring out how to cast these cares on Him, even the ones I can't trust Him with yet because of all the questions I have about His involvement or lack there of in what's happened.
See Ya Around.
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