The Elephant in the Room

I want to talk about, or write about the elephant in the room.  The thing about elephants in the room is that they are large they are obvious but no one really wants to accept them as being there. It takes a willful ignorance to not see a 6000 to 13000 lb animal.  It's huge and yet it's almost a comfortable ignorance not to see it. The question is what happens when you are that elephant, or when you feel like the elephant.  

That is where I am sitting right now.  Falling is something that we all do, even if admitting it is hard.  The thing about all of us falling is not whether or not we all fall but the distance of that fall.  Some people only stumble, some people are adept at falling gracefully and in doing so are able to move forward quickly and easily.  Then there is the big long ugly fall, the one that we see when a person is walking along their head down, not paying attention to what is coming, they run smack dab into a low hanging branch, or turn and don't see that clean window and so thy shop up and charge into the thing and end up sprawled flat on their back.  That is the best description for what has happened to me. 

With every fall there are factors that come into play.  State of mind and choice being the two major ones.  Sure there are others.  People that you are around, the environment that you find yourself in, wearing the right shoes...the list goes on. 

The question is does state of mind matter?  I don't mean simple things when it comes to state of mind, I mean mental health issues state of mind? Does the mental health of an individual have any bearing on the choices that are made.  Now bear with me dear reader because I know that may seem like there is an obvious answer to this question, but is there?  I don't mean that we as a whole don't give at the very least lip service to the idea of mental health.  Things like Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, PTSD or any of the dream disorders that are out there. I know for myself it was lip service, even when suffering from some of the things in that list.  

I won't go into details that are any where deep.  If you are interested in some of it, it's littered across the past of this blog, I will say that wanting to be dead is not something that anyone really expects to happen, at least I didn't. I suffered from the small c christian way of renaming things or sugar coating them to make it more palatable.  I wasn't suicidal, I just didn't want to exist.  I wasn't depressed I was just stressed out and "in my own head." I didn't  have PTSD because I never went to war.  That last one was a surprise but if I look at it all logically it's easy to see how it was yet another excuse to keep from getting the help that I needed, and so I went down a dismal path of self isolation, electronics buying mayhem, and disassociation so huge that I created an alternate world to escape to, anything to get away from the ugly that was real life.  

There are triggers in everyones life, mine is no exception. The problem is when those triggers are dealt with using messed up coping mechanisms we make decisions based not on our redeemed self.  Following the footsteps of Jesus, taking our cue from Him and His word as opposed to that human piece of ourselves that is full of all the things that are wrong with the world.  When we let our hurt and pain and sorrow and damage guide us we are forgetting that we are supposed to be guided by that lamp and light, of course when we are not guided by God's word we are going to not just slip but slide pell mell down the hill of pain, isolation, sin, and death, and when we get to the bottom of that hill we look at the top and realize just how far we have fallen, just how much hurt, and pain, and sorrow and anger and resentment and...and...and...can trick us into believing that we deserve to do whatever it takes to not feel any or all of those things, if even for a moment.  Trust me it is only for a moment that we don't feel them, they all have a way of rearing their ugly heads within hours, sometimes minutes of their ending.  Then something worse sets in.  Self loathing and guilt and frustration.  

The elephant in the room dear reader is more than just me.  It's all of us and the mess of sin that we constantly have to fight, because while Jesus death and resurrection removes the stain of sin, there is also the whole armor of God thing that we are supposed to put on.  We put that on, God doesn't come down and dress us for battle, on the contrary we are supposed to dress ourselves for battle, and when we don't, or when we leave off a piece or two because it's so much more convenient and it's easier to do that than to face the peril we are setting ourselves for failure. 

What comes next is what matters.  What we do when the dust settles, when the muck is sprayed away by the grace of God and we are left to stand in front of the rest of the herd without the alternative armor we have been wearing that we've convinced ourselves is the real thing.  The armor that comes from the creator can't be duplicated or dressed up or hidden away, but what it can do and what it does is leave us protected from the enemy but vulnerable to the creator.  It leaves our hearts surrounded by a shield while at the same time showing those around us just how much of a mess we are without it.

I wish I knew what was coming next.  I know what I desire and for now that is enough. 

Stick around, there is so much more to come.