dreams

I hate dreams, they used to be pretty cool. When you were a kid dreams made nights better and telling them if you could remember them was always fun. I even liked that sometimes you couldn't remember dreams, it made them even more special, even nightmares can be kinda fun if you remember them in the morning, something to laugh at wen you realize that it's nothing.

Lately though my dreams and nightmares are pretty much synonymous. What I mean is they are good dreams when I am dreaming them. In all of them I'm coming out of a room or a building and there are all the people that I care about J the Girls and people from Harvest or even Calvary. In the dream the leadership is having conversation with me and we are getting ready to go back and start over. Leading and being what I am. It takes work, and we all recognize it but we are all willing to do the work because it's going to make things better in the long run, not just for me but for everyone. People like me again and I even start to like myself.

Thats why it's a nightmare because I wake up and realize that I'm still where I am, I realize that I'm a failure, I realize that I still feel the same way about myself as I have for the past 9 months. Every day is the same. I know I should be moving on I get it but how do you do that.

"Three Cheers for Sweet Oblivion" Absolutely.